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Sunday, July 22, 2012


I was reflecting the other day on an occurrence that happened to me some time ago. I got stood up.

It wasn't unexpected or surprising.

I had met a young lady and was struck by how she carried herself (and yes, how she looked!). I surprised her by making contact the same day. She seemed genuinely interested and I certainly was, so we agreed to talk more. We did and it went well enough that we set a date for a date. I playfully counted the days down and when the day finally arrived, I was excited to get more time with this unknown woman. I sent a message, letting her know I was on the way, but I got no reply. I called, and got no answer.

Uh oh.... I've been HERE before...

What were my options? Stay and hope she had a delay and really wanted to go out? Turn around and go home? Hire a hit-man to take her out, so she wouldn't do this to anyone again? I went with plan D.

I had lunch with myself.

It isn't THAT unusual to spend time at a local eatery with no one in tow. I do a lot by myself. I brought along my writing notebook and thought, if nothing else, should get some quality time with my pen. In I walked.

I had a very nice young lady as a waitress, we'll call her Jessica (not her real name). We got to talking because, if you know me, I always ask questions. It came out she was having a rotten day because of her rotten boyfriend. Of course, I like to hear about challenging situations that people overcome, but this is the same old sad story. She just luuuuuuuuuuvs him, except for the jealous rages he puts her through, the fact he doesn't work, the lies he told about LOOKING for work, and the fact everyone she knows has told her to dump his ass.

And yet, she tries to help him.

She changes jobs to relieve the jealousy (it didn't work). She pays the bills for the place they stay. She is supportive of his situation and truly wants him to better himself.

We talked about tough love, that for people to be 'fixed”, they must WANT to be fixed. Enabling only makes the problem worse for the both of you. Once you see this for what it is, you can make a better decision and act on it. Doing something that helps BOTH of you will be the best you can do.

I gave her a copy of “Kick Him To The Curb” that I happened to be reviewing and she read it between customers. She was truly touched and reacted like I would never expect.

Although I have had folks tell me that my writing helps them deal with issues a little bit better, they are usually not strangers. Jessica was and told me she was inspired to make changes in her life and thanked me profusely. She used the word “fate” and was happy I stopped in. Surprisingly, this was AFTER I paid the bill, so she wasn't saying it for a big tip.

It made me feel good to be able to assist someone, even in a small way, and I left smiling and happy. On the way home, I started thinking about it and just KNEW she wouldn't do what she said. Most of us change our minds about life-changing decisions, no matter how awful it may currently be.

Oh well... at least I tried.

Was it “fate” or just circumstances that led to a day that included this nice and outgoing fellow human being? If I change one aspect, might I never meet her? Maybe she won't make a decision so quickly or at all? If the date goes well, maybe I am married by now???? Who knows. Be it fate or just a day unfolding, it was a good one, despite the negative start to it (and the ribs were good too!). Tomorrow, we can start all over again.

Like I've been saying (and trying to believe it!), when handed lemons, make lemonade!

PS – I never was contacted by the young lady BUT I eventually found out that Jessica did indeed break off the relationship and is doing well on her own. Maybe there's hope after all.... Registered & Protected


  1. I have just decided to follow your blog. Actually I found you on POF. I just wanted to comment on the one because, I am glad she decided to make a change in her life, and she was able use what you gave her to better her life and realize that she has a choice. Hope we all can will come to believe that we are the master of our own destiny.

  2. Just randomly reading some more of your stuff, and this one struck a chord. We never. Ever. Ever. know when something we've done or said will have an effect on someone. Think of random memories you have of times in life where it didn't feel significant at the time, but for whatever reason you remember a person. A job interview that didn't end up in a job for me, but made a huge impact on my future approach to applying for jobs... someone I'll never meet again, but who gave me a buffet of food for thought.

    Life intersects all the time... it is such a cool and amazing thing.


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