DISPOSABLE

I am a small town kid from PA that STILL has not gotten used to being disposable.

That's what it seems life is getting to more and more. I experienced it while living in Philly and DC, but I chalked that up to so many people in a relatively small area. "Why bother with this one when there's another coming right behind them?" It was a sad realization for me, I have to say.

Growing up, I always valued people around me. I don't know if this was because, as a family, we stayed pretty much to ourselves. It was a treat to have ANYONE else to interact with. Their stories, opinions, and outlook might have been different than mine, but I still enjoyed their perspective. That's why Twitter is so hard for me to get fully invested.

The ability to cut someone out IMMEDIATELY has diminished the exchange of ideas, thoughts, and concerns for many. Our voice is not heard, but seemingly tolerated until another person's opinion can be sent out. With all the knowledge and life experiences in social media at any given moment, it is sad that we don't have a better understanding of each other and more compassion for one another than ever before. In fact, it seems to be getting worse. It's easy to forget that in order for you to spell "twitter" you need a "twitt"....

To truly affect change, we MUST have the ability to recognize the challenges of people different than us, growing up in conditions not like ours, and with less/more opportunity to change their circumstances than we can. It is up to those with advantages to level the playing field so that ALL can thrive. This goes for social media as well as for the world at large,

How TRULY open is YOUR mind to the opinions of others?

FATHERS DAY 2015

I've written about fatherhood a few times, which is funny since I am NOT one....

I have reflected on my own experiences as a child to a Father in [MEMORIES OF SONHOOD], exposed my dream job of being a stay-at-home Dad in [MY DREAM JOB], dissected the reasons for creating these wondrous lil human we call kids in [HAPPY FATHERS DAY!], admitted the crushing disappointment of being childless on a day it mattered in [INSPIRATION], and about my own biological “father” in [FUNERAL]. This time, I will take this occasion to paint a picture of what being a Dad would be like to ME.

We all have a vision of who we would be in any given situation. Most of the time, we are right (I hope!), but in many cases, we are FAR from correct in guessing our reaction to a challenge. I KNOW being a great parent is one of the biggest challenges we face as a human being in today's world. There are countless distractions for kids to be influenced by and far too much focus on eliminating fear and disappointment in childhood.

I couldn't disagree more.

Kids have always been stronger and smarter than we give them credit for. Yes, we all make mistakes. Yes sometimes they were serious errors in judgment, but life as an adult is ALWAYS about making choices. We SHOULD be letting kids make some mistakes on the minor issues so that on the major ones, they have an idea what they SHOULD do. A Father has a large part in this, or SHOULD have.

Many families are either single-parents or blended. That makes it more difficult to have a proper influence but certainly not impossible. I'm sure you know a LOT of good father figures that touch the lives of children in a positive way. I sometimes wonder how I would be in that environment.

I've had the good fortune of spending time with more than a few kids that were without their Dad full-time. I think my compassion comes from the recognition of what I was needing but not getting. I always wanted to be a certain way with the little ones, in spite of not having any mini-me's of my own.

If I was their Father, I would -

….be supportive and positive when it is warranted. I think one of the mistakes we are making in preparing the next generation is the acceptance of mediocrity. We CAN applaud the effort but if the result is crap, then you are doing the young adult no good in thinking they did well when the reality is they didn't. That doesn't mean always expecting the best, as we are not all talented or gifted in life. It DOES mean, encouraging our lil one to always strive for better. We can enjoy the result but admit also we can improve.

…. teach my kids how to make a good decision. It isn't always “right” or “wrong” that gets us in trouble. It's usually not preparing for the worst. If we speed on the highway, we should realize that we could get a ticket and pay a fine or worse. Is getting there a few minutes earlier worth the risk? Looking at the situation from many angles helps us make the right choice most times. Unless we don't think we will get caught! Sometimes, this will mean punishment for my child and I will love them enough to follow through with it. Kids NEED limits and authority. I will provide BOTH so that they know what is and isn't worth the risk.

…. show my kids love and affection. Most of life's tragedies are based on what we DIDN'T do. How many criminals incarcerated right now would be leading a much different life if only they were given the attention of a LOVED one. Knowing you have a hug waiting, no matter what, goes a long way towards having a happy childhood. A happy childhood has a better chance of producing a happy adulthood and neighborhood.

…. show my kids the joy of compassion. Of course, the hardest part would be showing that compassion on the road while driving, but..... Taking a moment and looking through the eyes of another changes perspective so many times. If we truly want to change a life, selflessness MUST be a part of the solution. Greed and self-absorption certainly hasn't worked thus far.

…. be interested in what my kids are thinking and doing. I know life today has a lot going on. Just earning enough money to exist is a challenge for a large part of the world. We may have to work extra or at odd hours, so being a part of the family can seem like a dream. The times we kids felt most special though, is when Mom or Dad took the time to be in the moment with us. Only us and them. The world was just the two of us and those memories are forever burned into our minds.

…. be a great role model. In spite of popular opinion, it's what we SAW as a kid that mattered more than what was SAID. You can TELL a teenager that they shouldn't smoke, but if you are smoking yourself, the words are empty. You have to WALK the walk as well as talk the talk. If I want my child to be better than me, I MUST show them BETTER is BETTER. If they see ME improving, they will themselves improve too.

…. show my kids what a great relationship looks like. Hopefully this is with THEIR MOTHER, but you know some times we mess up. They should still be able to witness mutual respect, love, and affection so they know it's possible. I'm afraid too many souls out there wouldn't know what a great partner looks like or how to find one. That is truly tragic.

…. be financially responsible so my family doesn't struggle just getting by. This goes to making good choices. Money can be spent any number of ways, a LOT of them would go under the “foolish” tab. Having dependents means you make sacrifices, you learn to say “no” when it should be said, and you don't depend on “things” to make a child happy. I grew up thinking that and luckily realized much later in life that THINGS are really NOT important. Spending a half-hour playing catch is much more memorable than playing a new video game that will soon be replaced with the newest new game. This also means I might not have the newest car for myself or the the latest fashions, but it will all seem so insignificant years later when I am proud of my child still being proud of ME.

…. share my dreams with my kids. I want them to never give up on hoping for something or reaching farther than they did before. I would want them to see failure so they too could deal with the realities of losing. It isn't the actual fail, it's the reaction that's important. I would love to show how to rebound from a defeat and overcome it later... or not. Whatever the situation, most times it's better to not give up.

…. care about living a longer life. I have to admit, I don't have a concern for tomorrow for myself. I have lived a great life, learned a lot of things, experienced many many successes, and generally improved myself as time went by. Without children or a significant other to keep me going though, the desire to go on is not nearly so strong. Maybe this will change, but....

I think my list above is the same as any new Dad. We want to do it all but life and our own shortcomings get in the way. We fail at some of the important issues in our children's lives. We don't PLAN on it, but it happens. But that doesn't mean we fail forever. We can improve. We can strive for more. We can be better.

Maybe someday I will find out how great of a DAD I REALLY can be.... or not.

MAKING LOVE TO A REAL WOMAN

Making love.

It even SOUNDS sensual. Romantic thoughts... slow and soothing contact with someone very, very special.... Not an ending to a moment but a continuation of a dream come true. Reality is only you and them, neither thinking of the work that must be done tomorrow, the house that needs cleaned, or the sleep that you are missing. You are the only couple on earth and you know heaven must be just like this.

You feel every inch of their soft skin, as their body slides next to yours. The curves fit just right as you become one, joining in a most intimate way. Their body reacts, in an obvious way... no sense pretending what is being felt. The spots that they want touched, are... by various objects of desire. The temperature builds, emotions boil over as the contact of that special someone hits a peak again and again, until the peaks turn to the valleys of contentment... joy... euphoria. You sleep until awakened, by those same sensuous lips on your body.... ready to resume the passion of hours before....

Why do I say “real woman”? Won't any willing beauty do?

Of course not....

Everyone has their own image of what it takes to be a real woman. Kate Upton in a swimsuit, Halle Berry in a revealing dress, or Hillary Clinton wearing nothing but a smile all would qualify in someone's eyes. Of course, I have my own ideas....

My definition requires more than just a physical attraction, being famous, or political clout. The REAL woman has her life in control and can enjoy the pleasures of it, guilt free. She probably doesn't count calories, she doesn't shy away from an argument, or require a paycheck-loan to cover the cable bill. She is confident, articulate, and sees meeting people as an excuse to smile. She's made mistakes and learned from them. She recognizes stupidity and steers clear of those with a masters degree in it. She knows her good habits and works on her less-than-stellar ones. She's not perfect and isn't looking for perfect. She DOES want the dream though, and won't settle for less....

How would I meet someone like THAT?

I don't hang in the same circles. I guess I don't hang in ANY circles! How would I even recognize her? Divine intervention? In the line at the grocery store? A blind date?

I have no idea, but I have spent time with her type before, and it was fabulous....

Conversation was easy, sparks were often, and the heat was constant. Candles, oils, or soft music were not required, but a welcome surprise. She wasn't in my imagination, didn't need to be inflated, or plugged in. She wasn't going to be impressed by a big ego, or a sports car. I didn't need a large bank account, an exotic location, or a supply of Rohypnol.

Why no love connection?

That's a question that mystifies me to this day, although I know, deep down, that romance is only part of the totality of a relationship. It may be a larger part for some, but still just a part. Without the right timing or the opportunity to grow beyond the physical, it would stay as a comet shooting across the sky of life.... beautiful.... unforgettable.... intensicable...

….so good you have to invent new words to describe....

THINGS THAT MAKE ME HAPPY

I made a list a while ago of things that make me sad. It was an easy one to come up with as there are many things that get me down. One of the ways to a HAPPY life for me, is to recognize these things and either find a way to deal with it or avoid the offending action completely.

With that in mind...

I present the same thought from the opposing view – things that make me HAPPY. One of the ways to a HAPPY life for me, is to incorporate as many into my life as often as possible (with the exception of FOOD!)

In no particular order....


writing something really good

looking at cool cars

trips to St Louis

bringing a smile to a stranger's face

reading “Tuesday's With Morrie” again

perfect fitting clothes, as long as I don't see the size!

feeling emotion

dreaming

listening to great music on a great stereo

having a good debate

driving a clean car

spending an entire weekend with someone special and we never get dressed

Nitrous Oxide

eating a great meal

having an interesting conversation

receiving a footrub from someone special

finding something I thought I lost

crossing off an item from my bucket list

a great date

anything Star Trek

reading “Little Johnnie” jokes

a giant piece of cherry-crumb pie

using the perfect pen

seeing humanity exceed positive expectations

watching an underdog win

seeing people holding hands

the feel of baby oil on smooth skin

milk chocolate, chocolate milk, chocolate covered cherries, chocolate boobies (there's a theme here...)

seeing the 48 car crash

feeling like I helped someone

watching a pretty girl walk by and smile

a long bubble bath with a stack of new car magazines

waking up at 6am and realizing it was a day off

having lunch with a good friend

watching The MARK of ZORRO starring Tyrone Power

the idea of a girlfriend

no dishes in the sink

a twisty road and no traffic

taking a pain-free walk


How long is YOUR list?

FRIENDS????

I made a list of over 70 things to write about, on many different topics. Some are for this site, others are for the fiction that ISN'T my life that I hope to publish in the near future. Seriously!

And yet....

I find myself writing on a completely new thought that has crossed my mind and lingered the last couple days – how few invitations I get to do anything. Maybe this is normal, maybe my perspective is screwed up with all the free time I have. Maybe I'm just going coo coo.... (yes, I checked the spelling!)

I'll admit, in the past, I was bothered by the lack of effort my “friends” made towards me and quality time. I just chalked it up to choices by all of us. We all have our own lives and priorities, and I'm not married, like most are. It makes it more challenging to schedule something, right??

I am not so sure.

It seems most of the time I get together with friends, it's not because they say “Dude, let's go DO something!”. Usually, I contact them or just pop in. No matter where I lived, no one popped in on ME, or even wanted to visit.

Is it my imagination???? Hmmmmmmmmmm..........

Maybe I'm not THAT fun to be around???? I try and be entertaining and it SEEMS to be a good time when we DO get together. Maybe I have an odor that isn't covered up by the many different scents I wear (Thanx Jean!). Maybe I think so much that my brain waves act like a magnet only the other way??? It could be thousands of reasons. (OK, maybe a bit less...)

I'll have to ask questions! That should be a real comfortable conversation.

“Hey Buddy! I wonder if you hate hangin out with me...”

Maybe I won't word it EXACTLY like that.

I know everyone is busy, and I have done many things on my own. That doesn't mean I PREFER it that way! As far back as I can remember (at least a few days) 94.757% of the time I initiated the visit. (OK, I made that number up but it really SEEMS that high!!) The funny things is, I've been happy lately with things as they are.

Or was I?

Maybe I was just making the best of a not-so-great situation? When I look at this realistically, it is a VERY solitary existence at the moment... While I like “my time”, it shouldn't be ALL the time, should it??

Dang.... I thought this was the new-and-improved ME!!!

I am reminded of a time a few years ago when I made a real, concerted effort to connect with friends and family.... and failed miserably! It took a while to get over that. It isn't critical now, but it makes me question my role with the most important people I know. Am I a side-salad when I'm thinking more like steak???? I already have so few special folks in my life. If I am wrong and I recount, what is less than “a few”???

I'll find out and let you know

Ciera... The Conclusion

She's back from Florida and I couldn't wait to see her. Before she left she made me think we might be able to go out sometime and I was excited for a change. I wondered if she had any thoughts pop into her head....

When I saw her at the store, it was like the first time all over again. Even though she was a bit under the weather, she was gorgeous. My thoughts were all over the place, so when I got in line to check out, all I could do was babble. Funny, but that must have been OK because she said she would call me later!

And she did.... amazing.

Now I'm not saying most women don't do what they say.... wait a minute - that's EXACTLY what I'm saying! Obviously this was surprise. We talked a bit and made a date for a walk in the park. No I'm not cheap - just corny and broke!

Anyway, time blurs and all of a sudden we are walking around a lake at some park I never heard of, and it is a slice of heaven. She is talking and it takes just a few minutes to realize this is NOT the usual first date. We feel each other and know we have that connection we all hope for but rarely get. It seems we've known each other for a while and there is nothing but smiles and laughter.

That was the start and it just got better and better as the days turned into weeks. We saw more and more of each other and it was very clear we were headed down a path that both of us never expected. She showed me new music, she always brought a joy with her that made my day bright, and she stayed captivating. She and I had an understanding from the very first day that we were not exclusive and weren't looking for that at all.

It only took a few weeks to change all that.

She made me feel whole again. The sun was brighter, the sky was bluer and my life was starting to have a pulse for the first time in years. How could this 21 year old woman do all this to me? How could my dark days be wiped away so quickly and completely? Life is like a flapjack - you can have a nicely done side but turn it over and the other might be a burned mess. Was this for real???

It was....

The girl who could never say "I Love You" said it and meant it. The girl who didn't want anyone now wanted me. Her best friend noticed the change and loved it. She couldn't hide it and neither could I. I wanted the world to know and... I guess I let MY world know, because after we were engaged I introduced her to everyone who meant something to me. Of course she won them over. I'm sure they wondered why she would want to be around ME but they at least kept it to themselves.

I was so proud...

The weeks went by and life was good. We got to spend a lot of time together. She showed me some cooking secrets and I .... well I MUST have done SOMETHING good, she stayed around!

Unfortunately, it became increasingly obvious that her religion was going to stand in the way of us being truly together. I won't say how I REALLY feel, but I am so happy that she was in my life, for the time we had was glorious.

She made me see that I was the good guy I tried to be, the guy who can love and be loved, the guy who can realize that sometimes things don't work out like we want.

I've accepted it and am happy to be among the living once again....