FRIENDS????

I made a list of over 70 things to write about, on many different topics. Some are for this site, others are for the fiction that ISN'T my life that I hope to publish in the near future. Seriously!

And yet....

I find myself writing on a completely new thought that has crossed my mind and lingered the last couple days – how few invitations I get to do anything. Maybe this is normal, maybe my perspective is screwed up with all the free time I have. Maybe I'm just going coo coo.... (yes, I checked the spelling!)

I'll admit, in the past, I was bothered by the lack of effort my “friends” made towards me and quality time. I just chalked it up to choices by all of us. We all have our own lives and priorities, and I'm not married, like most are. It makes it more challenging to schedule something, right??

I am not so sure.

It seems most of the time I get together with friends, it's not because they say “Dude, let's go DO something!”. Usually, I contact them or just pop in. No matter where I lived, no one popped in on ME, or even wanted to visit.

Is it my imagination???? Hmmmmmmmmmm..........

Maybe I'm not THAT fun to be around???? I try and be entertaining and it SEEMS to be a good time when we DO get together. Maybe I have an odor that isn't covered up by the many different scents I wear (Thanx Jean!). Maybe I think so much that my brain waves act like a magnet only the other way??? It could be thousands of reasons. (OK, maybe a bit less...)

I'll have to ask questions! That should be a real comfortable conversation.

“Hey Buddy! I wonder if you hate hangin out with me...”

Maybe I won't word it EXACTLY like that.

I know everyone is busy, and I have done many things on my own. That doesn't mean I PREFER it that way! As far back as I can remember (at least a few days) 94.757% of the time I initiated the visit. (OK, I made that number up but it really SEEMS that high!!) The funny things is, I've been happy lately with things as they are.

Or was I?

Maybe I was just making the best of a not-so-great situation? When I look at this realistically, it is a VERY solitary existence at the moment... While I like “my time”, it shouldn't be ALL the time, should it??

Dang.... I thought this was the new-and-improved ME!!!

I am reminded of a time a few years ago when I made a real, concerted effort to connect with friends and family.... and failed miserably! It took a while to get over that. It isn't critical now, but it makes me question my role with the most important people I know. Am I a side-salad when I'm thinking more like steak???? I already have so few special folks in my life. If I am wrong and I recount, what is less than “a few”???

I'll find out and let you know