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Sunday, February 3, 2013

MATCHING


It's funny where ideas to write about come from. A lot of mine come from relationships with the opposite sex and the dynamics associated with them. I think, other than lacking self-esteem, our desire to be wanted and wanting that someone special, is the largest driving force in our lives. It creates the highest highs and the most soul-crushing lows. The reflection about a “good fit” for a relationship sprouted from something that is unrelated to a romance.

For the past five days , I've had a roommate. I've lived with people in the past, and it was mostly good memories, but this was the first time that I've had a male friend stay with me. It was a good week filled with great conversations, a fight to do the dishes, and a constant flow of Yuengling Lager. Good times....

It also had me thinking, while he was gone for the weekend, the reason it was fun. I suspect the fact that we are friends and are a lot alike made it easy. We are both laid-back, compassionate, and fun loving people that could be a good fit for just about anyone, but the anyones aren't always a good fit for US. Since we both think of the other person and act accordingly, it's not difficult to have a good environment and maintain it. If you are around a knucklehead that is lazy or sloppy or just plain ignorant, even though we will make the best of it, we won't enjoy it. The sloppy ass will like it because we clean up, the lazy ass will like it because we will do what they don't, and the ignorant ass will like it because we won't want to be part of that world. The same can be said for choosing a mate, and this is one area we fall short far too often.

When we meet someone that makes our imagination race, our eyes see only goodness, and the thought we are living out a romantic comedy that should have Meg Ryan in it, it sometimes does not end well. The reality may come hours later, days later, months later or decades later. Can ALL of it be avoided? Nope. Can SOME of it be recognized and circumcised? Yup. If we stay focused on things that will give away the true character of a person. Things like what kind of human being they are at home.

If you walk in their place and find it to be less-than-stellar, you obviously have different opinions of clean or organized than your perspective roommate. You should pause and take note, not make excuses or think you can be the one to keep things straight. You will eventually tire of it and start looking at them differently, it's only a matter of time.

If you are a kind and caring person that is OK with giving rather than receiving, but can't remember the last time when YOU were the receiver, stop making excuses for why you aren't and re-examine why. Ask yourself what kind of person would want to reward someone who obviously doesn't deserve it. Ask yourself who would put up with a life more difficult than it has to be. Ask yourself why you aren't as happy as you imagined you'd be with this person who was perfect not so long ago. Maybe you are finally seeing things the way they always were, They haven't changed, you did. Wouldn't it have been nice to have done it far earlier?

If your mate enables you to step outside your normal routine and makes you better than you would otherwise be, congratulations, you may have found your match. If, however, they make you step outside your normal routine and it is destructive or makes you crazy, tired, or less than you were before they popped into your life, listen to the friends you are ignoring, recognize the new-you that you probably DON'T like, and DO something about it. Do something OTHER than moving in with them!

The key to things, as usual, is to stay in the moment, see things for what they are, and don't get caught up in the idea of how things COULD be. I'm not saying don't enjoy yourself. Please do. What I am trying to point out is that, you can live the dream, you can be the inspiration for the novel, you can be the star of your own movie – with the RIGHT person. The great roommate. That wonderful person that makes you strive to be the best YOU you can be. That person you are proud of who they are, how they act, and how they treat you.

Have you found them yet?

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