Tuesday, July 7, 2015
WE ALL HAVE A PAST
When you meet someone new, it's easy to forget that this (hopefully) nice person seated across from you has a life before that moment. There has been heartache, celebrations, crushing disappointments, and ultimate hilites.... all without you being a thought. He/she has a “best” day, a “worst” day, and a lot of memories that don't include even one lil image of you.
It doesn't have to stay that way.
If all things work out, slowly but surely the moments in their (and your) life that were memorable, get replaced by your togetherness. The evolution of a relationship doesn't usually happen overnight, although it can feel instantly comfortable and the replacement might begin sooner than expected.
When we DO meet someone, how much should we disclose? How much do they deserve to know in order to make the decision to see you again? How many questions need asked or answered? That all depends on the person.
There are folks who can handle whatever you throw at them. They will listen, learn, and understand that all that drama brought you here, with them, today... right now. If they are feeling the connection, it won't matter. Life will start in living color the moment you meet and everything else turns to gray.
If they judge, don't want to hear it, or are a bit hesitant to share their own history, then you may have a mismatch and you better consider plan B for their next offer together. Eyes wide open. It's hard to not get all wrapped up in the splendidity of new beginnings, but the pain of bad decisions begins with cloudy vision. They didn't LIE to you..... you didn't pay attention to the signs that screamed they are a liar!
If there are a embarrassing stories told, but the lessons were learned and those same situations coming in the future would be handled much differently, is it a bad thing or a quality to respect? We all are dum-dums at times, whether we admit it or not. But if we don't keep making the same blunder, then it's not so dum-dum as you might think. It's called living.
Are there transgressions that are deal breakers? Why?
There BETTER be a few! Everyone should have a standard, and if someone doesn't measure up (no matter HOW they look in nice clothes!) they need to move along and let you find someone that fits you better. There are MANY prospective “right fits” out there.... no worries. I'M SERIOUS.
I would rather hang out with a person who has learned some hard lessons than try and tolerate someone who hasn't had any mountains to climb. They are far more interesting and have better stories!
Where does jealousy fit in? Should it? I have my doubts....
It ain't cute that's for sure. Trusting someone should be a basic condition and one that is reviewed often, in the beginning. Real trust is earned over time and is the foundation to a happy couple. It's NOT being blind! It's knowing you are with a person who can act the way you expect them to, in any situation. Your blueprint should be very clear on who fits this outline and it takes more than a few dates to see just how a person is.
A person is much like the stock market. Past performance doesn't GUARANTEE future performance. It DOES give some hints at what you should be paying attention to going forward. Keep your eyes wide open and enjoy the moment... all the while making informed choices that will be best for YOU.