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Sunday, August 6, 2017

SOLITAIRIALITY

Yes... I know I like to make up words.

This one fits the the mood lately though. Even with Mom around, my world seems so small and empty at times. I'm not complaining.

This time it IS a choice, unlike a couple I saw recently arguing in the car. He wanted out of the relationship, and she was begging him for more. She was all over him, trying to use her feminine ways to open up his mind to a different option... one that included her. I don't know how they ended up, but I can only remember how I reacted the last time someone didn't want to be bothered by my existence.

These are the kinds of moments in life that sometimes demand we withdraw and regroup. Moments like if someone goes away. If life is shattered by an event or person. If one's heart is broken by another's choices. There are MANY reasons, and for everyone dealing with the curves on the path of life, many GOOD reasons to step back and re-evaluate the current situation.

What that means to ME is that I won't reach out to people. It makes it easy to ease into the this temporary lifestyle because most of my interactions are initiated by ME. Without that push, the phone doesn't ring, the computer doesn't chirp, and the world gets very very quiet.

In my world at that moment, there is no re-evaluation, but a realization of the way things were.

I usually have enough sociality with folks that I don't feel lonely or isolated. A good conversation goes a  long way to making one feel a part of the human race. I have enough interests to ask questions of a stranger, but it gets harder when I would rather just walk alone on the moon.

For those that might think it sounds dull.... far from it!

When it's just you and your imagination, it may allow some of the best discussions to happen.

When you play a game, you are guaranteed to win.....and lose.

You can watch what you want on TV, listen to YOUR radio stations, and let your dishes pile up until you run out of plates.

I know myself by now that without reflection, I may make some rash and stupid choices. I need to make peace with how my world has changed (or NOT changed, like I wanted). I will eventually not feel like part of my soul was ripped out. I will eventually not get emotional thinking the "what-could-be's" have morphed into a "never be". I will eventually let the memories fade and be open to new ones that will replace them.

...it just won't be in a day.... or many days.

I hope that young lady accepted the situation and is dealing with it in a good, positive way. In the long run, he did her a HUGE favor by being honest and upfront. I hope she realizes it sooner rather than later. She will be able to look back and see what was right there but was blocked by her heart. There's something to be said for holding out hope of a good ending. It's what keeps us going through the hard times and puts a smile on our face at any moment it comes to mind.

Yet....

It's funny (not FUNNY!) to look back at all the times where, in the back of your mind, you just knew something wasn't quite right, but all you wanted to imagine was sunshine and daisies.. Most situations you can explain away in both positive and negative versions. When you are still hopeful of course you are going to think nothing but good thoughts. Hindsight allows you to throw away the version that was incorrect.

Hindsight also allows the healing to begin.

I don't know how to describe the feeling that, despite all the evidence to the contrary, one still thinks the situation will end happily ever after. I used to think back on the story of George Burns and Gracie Allen. It took George 3 years to convince Gracie that she should be with him and I guess he was right since it lasted 40 years. Unfortunately, that theory has never worked out for me! Haha

How can your heart still feel broken when it never really belonged or was wanted by the person you pined for?? Hindsight will allow us to see it clearly for what it was, not for what you wanted.

Luckily experience teaches you to react in different ways when you are older as opposed to when you were young and dumb. Hopefully it will be in a more positive way and not blaming anyone or anything for the awful conclusion.

There really isn't an explanation needed when someone decides you don't belong in their life. It's not going to help you feel any better. It's not going to make any more sense. It's not going to help you heal any faster. It's just an excuse for you to speak to them again and it just makes you look stupid. You aren't going to convince them otherwise. They already made the decision. Respect it and move on.

Most times, you will be able to look back years later and feel lucky you didn't get what you think you wanted. Not just because Garth wrote a song about it, but because it's true. There are reasons things do or don't happen, whether you want to hear them or see them doesn't matter... they still exist. A one-sided relationship will never work for both people as well as two people who deeply care for each other.

These are usually the facts -

All those times when you were thinking of that person, they probably weren't thinking of you at all.

All the images of the future that you had of the two of you together probably never entered the other person's mind ever.

The other person is probably ecstatic right now, while you wallow in misery.

The many excuses for not getting together were all the evidence you should have needed to make an adjustment in your feelings about that person.

Most people who care about you will find a reason to reach out or show up to see you. Those that don't care, will not.

"Bad timing" or "I'm just doing me" are code words for leave me alone. You are not the one. Move along.

It doesn't pay to get angry at someone because they don't care about you. If you find out about it soon enough it's actually a gift that you should appreciate and celebrate.

If you look back at past relationships, once the pain has gone away, you understand and agree, most of the time, with The Break-Up.

While it may seem hurtful, painful, and bleak at the time, I assure you this feeling won't continue once you look realistically at the way things were.

When you do finally find someone who feels similar to you as you feel for them, all these past hurts disappear. Memories fade and faces get erased.

It's okay to crawl in hole and disappear for a moment, so that you can have time to think and react to a new reality. What it shouldn't become is a lifestyle.

Contrary to regular guy theories, jumping back on that horse too soon will only expose your bad decision making processes while you are in the throes of healing. Once you can think clearly and without malice, it may be time to get back in the game.

Love is elusive when played alone.



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