MOM - JANUARY 2018

Well, today started off interesting.

When I got up, MOM of course, was already awake. Nothing unusual there. She seems to wake up early, but stays in bed, until breakfast is served.  I usually check on her a little early, just to ease into the day.

Today was typical and she appeared happy and wide awake.

Unlike a few days ago, when she had a spell that I will just explain as a brain-short-circuit. She gets dizzy and confused and can't talk much. I have luckily been around when they happen. This was the third time as far as I know. We went to the Dr after the first one, but nothing conclusive came of it. That first time, I thought she was dying, but now I realize what is going on. Although it took a bit longer to recover, she did and forgot about the ordeal quickly.

Back to this morning,  I went back to my room for a last few minutes of alone time. It's a good way to start the day. It gives me some time to not worry about her and do whatever I need to do for ME. This is one of the steps that gets lost when you are a caretaker. You give, and give, and give, until you lose yourself in the task. I am trying to NOT let that happen.

When I got up to put on my cook hat, Mom was walking down the hall in a daze, complaining about something. Without going into too much detail, what was upsetting her was the fact that her pants legs were inside each other and she couldn't figure out how to fix it. This is one of the downsides of her memory issues. Reasoning and logic are gone.

 Yesterday, I had asked her to get a cup and she pointed to all sorts of things. Things that WEREN'T a cup. That sort of thing happens more and more. Enough that it's difficult to have her help with almost anything. 

The pants issue was a quick fix. Getting her to feel better and not stupid took a bit longer. She is at a stage where she's still aware of her challenges. She can easily be distracted thankfully, so I just find ways to take her mind off her mind. It made me pause for a moment though.

She won't be any better than she is TODAY. Tomorrow she will wake up a bit less than she is. And the next day. And the next day. It is relentless.

 THAT is the reason I can keep going. THAT is the reason I can (mostly) smile through the little things that pop up. THAT is why I live for today more than I wish for tomorrow. I'm so proud that my Mom has lived through a difficult life and is now happy, if a bit confused at times. She continues to teach me how to be a better human being and strive to be a better son.

 I hope I can make HER proud....