MOM: FEBRUARY 2018

Another month rolled by and there were a few surprises.

We were listening to the radio the other day and there was a promo about a Johnny Cash musical called "Ring of Fire". It came on many times while we had the station on and Mom made a comment that shocked me. She said how could there be a show when he was DEAD??? 

Now, Mom doesn't pay much attention to the here and now too much. She lives in her own little world that doesn't extend much beyond what she can see. So for her to recall that Johnny passed away a few years ago, it was completely unexpected. 

That wasn't the ONLY time I was stunned. 

We were riding around in the car and she seemed quieter than normal. She doesn't usually say too much, and much of what she says is bits and pieces and seemingly in code. Over the last few years I went from knowing what she is trying to say to sometimes having no clue to what she is talking about. 

She turned to me and asked a simple question - Do I think I am making a big mistake having her around? WHERE the heck did THAT come from??????

I didn't know exactly how to respond at the moment but I questioned why she would ask that, then changed the subject to one that I knew she would smile about. It never came up again, and hopefully it WON'T! 

It got me to think, since I always am, and I HAD been comparing Mom's situation to others I heard about. One of the things caretakers talk about is when their loved one is "here" and "back from the void". This is not the type of struggle Mom has. She doesn't have clarity of childhood or any hood for that matter. She is shrinking pretty evenly from all her past. 

She doesn't really want anyone around, although she acts happy when we visit anyone. It makes it confusing to decide what is best for her and limiting the negatives that could pop up. I've talked to professional caretakers and got advice that worked for them. The trouble is, every person experiences their own journey through these difficulties and it's hard to put a plan together that is set in stone. 

Mom's personality has changed and continues to evolve. She started tucking her socks in her pajamas for some reason. She wears double socks now, although she never did before. She has pretty much retired from dishes, not because she doesn't WANT to do them but because I saw she wasn't using soap to clean them. OK.... basically she got FIRED!!! 

She is starting to need help with almost everything now, and I'm happy that she doesn't mind asking me. She sometimes comes and gets me at 3 in the morning for something that, at that moment, gets her upset. It usually can be fixed quickly and without much trouble. 

I know it will only get more complicated, so that is why I can enjoy these days and not dwell so much on the foggy future. There is no way to know what challenges we will have to deal with a week from now, a month from now, or a year from now. I feel fortunate.....