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Saturday, January 5, 2013

WHY ARE WE ATTRACTED TO CERTAIN PEOPLE:WARNING of THE DARK SIDE



It's funny how things turn out. I originally wrote on this topic as a warning of how we should fight the urge keep our heads in the clouds. As the words came out, I was reminded how the butterflies felt, skin tingling with excitement, and drifting into the grips of fantasy. The end-result had a much-different tone. It's not so bad to just go with the flow, right?

Well....

I felt the need to show you the original idea.

In the previous posting, I asked many questions with answers to none. That doesn't mean the attraction isn't real or the affect isn't measurable or that it will end in a happy or positive way. There are two choices when faced with this situation, and one of them is to hope for the best and let the illusion run it's course.

The other reality is, sometimes, we should run....

When an obviously awful person attracts us – and we should be able to know awfulness when we see it! - we need to channel our inner Dr Phil and just tell ourselves, DON'T DO IT!

When we see that this person, who seemed so perfect, now has an unhealthy effect on us, we recognize that we might not be able to help them, change them or tolerate them. We need to have a Plan B and exit stage right. Lessen the damage. Maintain our sanity AND our bank accounts.

And yet, most of the time, we don't.

For obvious reasons, we hope for the best. A romantic ending to the great story of “US”. Happily-ever-after with our soulmate.

WAKE UP!

It takes more than an electric smile from a stranger to earn time spent with you. They have to be about something, have qualities you can be proud of, care about how you are, want to be a part of your life as much as you want to part of theirs, and REALLY want you to be a part of theirs and not afraid to tell you.

It takes more than the empty-headed bliss that happens every time they stand next to you. Hopefully, you can keep one foot planted in that sliver of reality that remains and see the situation for what it is – someone you should start a conversation with and see if they are worthy of another... and another and another.

or...

Maybe space aliens are using mind control and you are an experiment on how much misery a human being can take.

It's easy to do nothing, let the euphoria last as long as it will, and hope it doesn't end in complete and utter devastation.

Focus!

Of course it's a great feeling when someone lifts your spirits at the exact moment they need lifting. You are living in Happyville when they can make you smile with just a thought. It's magical when your eyes meet and.... sigh..... I was just remembering when SHE walked in the room, to talk to ME! (birds chirping, sun shining.... aaaahhhhhhh........)

What were we talking about???

Oh.... that's right... attractionality. Yup... it sure can be intoxicating. Especially when we have been alone for a long time. We explain it away that “it's better than spending ANOTHER night alone”... don't bet on it.

When we are in a weakened state and can't trust our vision to see the world as it is, what can we do?

PROCEED WITH CAUTION!

It's easy to forget that the attraction is like a drug and like a drug, can have damaging side-effects. It can make you do things you can't explain. It has the power to erase your common-sense and delete your entire education. It can make “What the heck” logical and a reason to proceed. Oh brother....

DON'T DO IT!

If they aren't a positive influence in your life, more than the brief escapes they bring without even trying, beyond feeling giddy, then it's time for a cold shower or an intervention.... Or both.... Twice.

I don't want to sound like an old poop. Someone who looks at a half-filled glass of water and not even debate whether it is half-full or half empty. They just complain that it's not a soda. They are NO fun!

That's why I still believe, open to possibilities, wanting to inspire the novel, but with clearer vision and a more realistic expectation.

How do YOU feel?


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