Saturday, April 1, 2017
HERE'S THE MISCILLANEOUS PART
This could be due to many reasons. Maybe I am not that compelling. Maybe I write enough on Facebook to satisfy the urge, which limits what I post regularly. Maybe I just realize that few listen. For whatever the reason, it is the reality of my current situation. I am not frustrated, disappointed, or pouting. I find it amusing that, as I will cross 35,000 visits to this site this month, I can't admit to the possibility that ANOTHER 35,000 will happen. Time will tell.
I will also limit my social media involvement. Writing with deep thought on FB or twitter has made me very aware of my limitations. Just as in the real world, my ability to inspire is much less than I hoped. When I saw it years ago, that I WASN'T John Wayne, it was a harsh wake-up from the dream of who I wanted to be. After some uncomfortable discussions with myself, I decided to listen to me for a change and adjust my expectations. It figures that the only person listening to me is ME. Oh well.... at least I am a fan!
What can I truly offer anyone at this time? Mom continues to regress. That diminishes my time available for anyone else. Rather than dump on anyone else MY troubles, I will regress into the routine Mom has created for me. I will appreciate the many moments of joy and overall happiness. I will gladly devote my energies to her because she deserves to be taken care of, no matter what is required. I will look at this in a positive way and not mope around or become resentful for being put in the position. One day, if I am lucky, I will be viewed as a man that is needed, wanted, and desired. Just not today.
Am I happy?
Will I be able to FIND some "happy" while I am immersed in my life as it is?
Much of my joy will come from a certain young lady that continues to shrink in her abilities, yet stays a compassionate, smiling, and quite helpless woman that needs me as I needed her all those many years ago. Some of my joy will be imagined, in dreams of a "someday" and "someone special". A small part of my joy will be felt as I post something here I really truly love. If you stop by and happen to love it too, then it's even better. Even if I don't hear about it.