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Wednesday, July 5, 2017

KNOWING WHEN TO STOP

Yes I know.

The title flies in the face of every "never give up" meme ever created. While it's true that the wildly successful folks have a determination the rest of us envy, there comes a time when each of us is faced with a choice - continue to frustrate ourselves with effort that is not rewarded OR decide that more attention to the particular challenge that eludes us will NOT result in any change so you move on.

The seeds of this posting was planted months ago by a student that opened up about his girl problems. He had recently been dismissed by his now-ex, and was having trouble dealing with the lingering sadness. I asked plenty of questions, hoping that his answers would open his eyes to the new reality he is trying to avoid. That DIDN'T exactly happen so we talked some more about life and choices. I tried to give him a glimpse of what the current situation was from my perspective and also added some of my own experiences with being dumped on. He left with a weak smile and I hope his intelligence wins out over his emotions.

We all have had episodes where the person of our dreams wasn't seeing us in theirs. it's probably the most common tale of dating.... they don't feel like WE do. it's not sad, tragic, or even bad. Like I explained to the young man, it's a gift if we find out EARLY in a relationship and not after YEARS of pretending. The person (and pain!) will soon be forgotten and life continues on a path we couldn't have imagined when they were the object of our desires.

This idea of waving the white flag can be used in so many different situations as well. When we dream of money, or celebrity. When we wish for the "perfect" life. When we pray for things out of our grasp or capabilities. That's not to say we can't still HOPE, but if it affects your life in such a way that it prevents you from moving forward, beyond your realities, then it's time to get acquainted with the person looking back from the mirror.

There's MANY reasons for unhappiness, and many more that we have no power to change. Why waste time or energy reacting to those we can't influence? The hardest realization for me was admitting I WASN'T who I wanted to be. It is truly a sobering thought that sometimes we reach our limits and we can go no further. The happy souls might keep trying but with an outlook of positive thoughts and a sunny future, despite the failures.

I doubt that the "time to move on" is the same for everyone. The key is to NOT regret trying. Give all you can and if it doesn't work out, you did all you could and your heart will accept that. Trust me. No excuses will be needed if we must turn around and walk away. The decisions we make should also be done with this in mind. There should be NO REGRET in doing what we do. If you feel like what you are thinking of doing will be wrong or embarrassing, then don't do it! Our gut-feeling is there for a reason.

We can do a LOT to change our life. We ARE the masters of our universe. Until we make someone or something mean MORE to us than our own happiness. That will usually have predictable (BAD!) results, especially if we are blind during the journey to the end....

You are worthy of much more than that.










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