For many years, it seemed the vast majority of those close to me were the type who let me be the CEO of our relationship. If I wanted to do something involving them, they were all in. If they wanted to do something involving ME..... I didn't hear about it. It's the way it was.
Eventually, I got tired of the role I had and doubted that the people I called “friends” considered me more than an acquaintance. It's not a bad thing, just one of perspective. Everyone has a busy life these days, and I respect the amount of time they need for family and other friends. Since I am not making funny faces at a rugrat or chasing my girl around the coffee table, time is different for me and I know it. I enjoy it. I can get lost in it for more than just a moment.
If this is sounding familiar, it did to me too! I wrote a little blurb about Friends at the end of October, last year [here]. I asked questions more than answered them, so I suppose it's time for some resolution. I think I finally have enough data to reply to the question, “Is a one-sided relationship good enough?”
OK, you know I won't let it end THERE, but for me, at this time in my life, that's the correct answer. I am more than comfortable in my aloneness. Not ALL the time, but most. I have a lot of distraction from work these days, so it's easy to put fun and frolic on the back-back burner. I say it a lot, but it's true, it's not forever.
Yes, I know I am not getting any younger, and one day I might wake up from this daze and wonder where the years went. I've already got that scheduled in as my “old-timers” years.
OK, so getting back to the one-sidedesness, I have come to the realization that if I am not a part of someone's life, it's OK. No hurt feelings here. With that comes the decision for me to not make any effort of my own. No worries. I won't be missed.
In the past, I would torture myself with the “what's wrong with me”'s or be paralyzed with loneliness. Thankfully, that ended when I looked at myself real close and said, “you're OK”. Of course, Myself could not resist telling me that I had no idea what I was talking about and wanted a recount of the votes!
What do you mean I have issues???
It makes me wonder how many folks are bothered, annoyed, or just can't stand being in the same situation. If you are, it may be time to make some hard choices. Either embrace, accept, move on, or stop making the effort that makes you unhappy. Sounds easy right?
I'm sure most of you, not counting FB, define “friends” a bit different than “someone who is there for me yet never asks me to be there for them”.
Then why be bothered?
No conversations have to happen, no psychoanalysis has to be prescribed, no bribery of high-ranking officials, and no animals need to be harmed in the testing of this theory.
Don't call. Don't text. Don't message. Don't email. Do nothing. If time goes by and they eventually respond with a “Hey! Where you been?” then you may just have a friend. If not, another title should be placed by their name on the list of who you know.
Where are YOU on THEIR list?