MY VOICE

I feel like I've lost my voice.

Not the one I speak with but this one I write with. I've felt this way for a while but wasn't sure how to react. I always thought I wrote for ME and if anyone else enjoyed it, that was a bonus. Now I realize, I do this for way more than me. I guess, deep down, I wanted to see some success in this arena, despite my always questioning the quality of my postings.

In the past, I have gotten an encouraging word from people who have been lifted up by what they read here. There is no better reward for a writer than to have someone say something unexpected. I think we are all similar in that way - we put words to paper for the hopes it will affect a stranger. 

The problem is when we feel no one is listening. If there aren't any ears open for you, why bother???

I have made a real effort to expand on my exposure and some recent months have been my most viewed. Yet, I feel it is artificial. The people who visited didn't stay or didn't have any opinions to share. I used Twitter, Google+, and even passed my card around to gain more followers but have failed miserably. It seems illogical to me that 4000 people stop by in a few months but very few wanted to keep reading. Hmmmmmmm....

I am the the first person to admit the reality of a situation and this one is clearly recognized. Like the moment I KNEW I wasn't EVER going to be John Wayne, Mario Andretti, or George Clooney, the potential I have writing has to be re-examined. The fact I like to re-read my own words has SOME joy, and I will keep doing it for that reason alone. It doesn't diminish the satisfaction of creating an interesting story or expressing my opinion for others to think about.

That makes it OK to keep on writing. No aspirations of success. No goals of notoriety. No disappointment from having a readership measure in the "dozens" instead of the "thousands" or more. Maybe it's time to add fictional stories instead of always waiting to be jolted into action. 

I certainly have plenty of ideas.... stay tuned.