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Sunday, August 9, 2015

AUGUST 9

Many years ago, I used to love this day. It was a cause for celebration, it was an excuse to call, it was Vanessa's birthday....

Who the heck is SHE? Click [here] to read my first REAL posting here to find out. Considering she was the initial topic I wrote about, you can imagine how significant she was in my life. She was my Gracie.... She was a dream come true.

So here I am, on her birthday, and I wouldn't have even remembered, except for a reminder that popped up on my phone. I wouldn't have given it a second thought otherwise, but it made me think about how far I've come. I couldn't fathom ten years ago, I'd be on the healthier side of recovery. For a long time, I felt like I would NEVER feel fully cured or at least over it.

Time truly heals.

The fact she was pretty covered up the fact she was a great Mother, she was a classy lady, and she had enough ambition to succeed at anything she put her mind to. And she DID, just not with ME.

When we were together, I never had a more clear picture of my future than I did then. It was going to be a dream come true for the both of us. A perfect match....

And then reality came crushing down on one of us (me) and I didn't know what to think, how to act, or get a grip on my new unknown future. It wasn't just the relationship with HER I missed, it was losing the kids as well. They were my sunshine, my realization that I could be a great Dad, an understanding and supportive role model that would enrich their lives forever.

And then “forever” came and went....

It took five whole years to be able to begin to accept the situation, as I wrote in “Who Am I Kidding?” [here]. It was progress, if only a lil bit. Time heals, if nothing else will.

Sooooooo... here we are five years later, ten whole years since she told me we were no longer “us”. I was not thinking of the “what-ifs”. I wasn't thinking of reliving the past, I wasn't thinking of anything. Nothing. I didn't even call her to wish her a good day. She has a lot of fans, she is happily-ever-after without me and I am too.

… and that is why, when a friend of mine sent me a message saying her relationship had ended and she was hurting, I told her she would be just fine. It may take a few weeks, a few months, or a few years, but all will end well if you just look at the positive. It happened, not after decades of living a lie, but only a few months into it. There was only 50% of the people involved trying to make it work, which guarantees 100% failure 100% of the time.

I'm not trying to minimize my friend's feelings of heartbreak. It IS real and matters. I know the depression that follows. I know the lack of self-worth that seems natural. I know the thoughts of non-existence that some may consider – it happens to many of us at least once in our lives. Thank goodness we can feel such strong emotions at all. A world without that is one that would be truly empty.

The positive side of this story will come for her. It may involve many tears, many sleepless nights, some bad decisions, some regrets, but the sun WILL shine again, and when it does, you will discover you are a better, stronger person. One who is more prepared to choose the “Right” spouse for YOU that will be the beginning of your “forever”



and THAT is the happy ending we ALL want....


2 comments:

  1. Why, after 10 years, would you still have a reminder pop up on your phone of the day???

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Well... NOW that you got me to think about it.... Years ago I didn't NEED it. I looked forward to the day. It was both joyous and crushing, but I took joy where I could. Over time, it was a barometer of my healing. How would I be affected? Would I call? Would I still be hoping for something? Every year, I felt more detached so I knew time was working it's medicine. As of today, Tom is a-OK.... Thanx for posing the question!

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