STUART SCOTT

How many tears can be shed for a stranger? 

It is overwhelming to me, seeing the outpouring of emotions from the sportsworld yesterday. Everyone from the President of the United States, to yours truly was touched by the affect this guy had on such a wide audience.

Most times, when someone with a degree of notoriety passes, there is a nice tribute, involving people who knew them, a life is remembered, the moment is touching, but quickly forgotten.

Not so with Stu.

I applaud ESPN for allowing those closest to Stuart the freedom to express their thoughts fully. They allow us to see the depths of despair these folks are suffering. We may not KNOW each of these fine folks, yet we invite them into our lives so often. I can't help but get choked up every time I see co-workers of this unique man try and explain what it was like to know the person behind the “Boo Yeah!”.

It's obvious today, the world is a little bit less because Stuart Scott no longer breaths it's air, walks the ground, or entertains and inspires it's people and his children to be the best they can be.

We will miss you Stu, but we will always have the other side of the pillow....

NOT GONE..... JUST A MOMENT AWAY

My cool cuz Steph lost her father-in-law yesterday. Papa Ed, as she called him, won his long war on cancer. I say “won” because he no longer has to endure the medication, the withering away of his body, and the suffering his family shared with him. Those who feel the emptiness of a world without him, eventually won't remember the last few months, although they are obviously what comes to mind today. Those who struggled with the unspeakable pain and the impossible task of preparing for his departure will ultimately remember the smiles, the laughs and the love that came with knowing him.

People grieve every day from a loved one passing. It started me to thinking....

Will Papa Ed really be gone?

He won't be to his wife, whom he had known since before teenagerdom. Their lives together intertwined as one. Every sight, every smell, everything in the house, everything on earth will remind her of him. She will have wondrous dreams that he is still with her. She will feel his touch everywhere she goes. She will not stop adoring this man despite the small issue of his absence. He is not gone, he is just a moment away.

He won't be to his son, who was also his close friend, business partner, and the reason he did a lot of what he did. It won't be easy to move on to a life without his Dad, but he has a lifetime of memories to embrace and reflect on in times of need. I can't help but think how lucky Brandon is to have had so many years with a Father who cared so deeply. For his son, he is not gone, he is just a moment away.

Ask many who have lost a special someone what memory will be treasured the most, and you will undoubtedly get many different answers. We don't touch everyone's life in the same way, but once we do, that affect will carry on and on and on...

We may be mortal, but to those we leave behind, we are always just a moment away....

A WORLD WITHOUT HEROES?

There may come a time when your world may be without anyone you admire or idolize. You may have lived a long life and they are all passed on, had your previous role models exposed as flawed human beings, or maybe you have just become numb to people who are outstanding yet, you can't see them through the darkness. I've been at every stop along the way and I am here to tell you, there is no shortage of heroes.

In the past few months, I have thought about many of the folks I looked up to from my childhood. Elvis, John Wayne, my Uncle Roger, and a few others I held a profound respect for, are all gone. I was lucky to have some priceless memories with my Uncle and came to understand none of my heroes were perfect, but I knew deep down that perfection wasn't what I was looking for anyway.

Elvis was as poor a boy who ever grew up here in the United States, faced his share of obstacles in life and succeeded beyond anyone's expectations. He stayed humble and caring by all accounts and was able to inspire thousands of kids and adults alike to chase their dreams and enjoy the ride. You don't have to be around a hundred years to be unforgettable....

John Wayne was a hero to countless people. In the movies, he is always the star and beats the bad guy, has the swagger you can't fake, and sometimes even gets the girl if she isn't killed off in the process. He led a charmed life and truly was in character 24/7. He WAS John Wayne. I wish I could have met him.

As I age not-so-gracefully, I find myself admiring more people than ever.

I worked with a VERY flawed young man who overcame a destructive lifestyle and is on his way to a great life. Despite the bad choices and the heartache he has given his family, he has a Dad he respects and that loves him, an ambition that will see him succeed at anything he chooses to do, and dreams that I have no doubt will be fulfilled. Terry could be a hero to many.

I am lucky enough to have an aspiring writer (no I am NOT going to steal your idea of writing about loving cake, and not just because I am a PIE guy!) that allowed me in her life despite my offering very little in return. She has close friends whom she counts on and that count on her to share the joy and the unjoy of this thing we call life. She tries to inspire me to write when I can't seem to find any words. She has a career that is full of death and despair yet sees the victories of those overcoming cancer first. Shelly makes it easy to see heroes can be heroines too.

Every week, I seem to run into a single-mother who, despite all the hard work and effort, brings up children in a happy and healthy atmosphere. They accept the reality of their world and do whatever they can to give their kids great memories. If I had to pick any class of human being, I think it would be these same Moms that get a standing ovation from me. Without them, where would our world be? Much worse I have no doubt....

Heroes don't have to be running into a burning building, at war with an angry enemy, or a sports figure with endorsements. If you look around, people do compassionate and caring things every day (No, letting that knucklehead butt-in a long line of traffic is NOT kind, it is dumb!). Heroes and heroines can be everyday people doing extraordinary things. They don't do it for the publicity, money, or because we are keeping score. They do it because they are the kind of human beings we aspire to be, and CAN be.

Are YOU a hero to anyone?

HAPPY BELATED BIRTHDAY, ELVIS

Did you know yesterday was Elvis' 77th birthday?

I remember the day he died like it was hours ago. I was just home from the hospital and still had a cover over my eye from a baseball injury and a neighbor came over to ask if we heard. Of course I didn't believe it as he was still not OLD old.... It was probably the first time in my young life that I realized death has a finality that I never considered. It had me talking to myself at night, asking anyone who was listening to bring Elvis back. Take me instead... Nothing happened. Tuesday rolled into Wednesday. Wednesday became Thursday. The world started to forget already....

I liked Elvis, not for his being famous, but the wonderful, almost mythical story.... I'm sure you know it.

Coming up from poverty, no formal training, no grand expectations, he just played his music made millions happy. He acted in movies that may not have been nominated for Oscars (although 2 were nominated for Golden Globes with “Elvis on Tour” winning), but he had 33 of them and they ALL made money. Some may be better than others, but I can only imagine how successful he could have been as an actor if only his manager cared about the man more than the money. The accolades, the recognition, the respect of your peers. Earning the name “KING”.

How can you explain the REAL reason his popularity was so explosive? Good songs? A pretty face? A wiggle? No, I think a large part was that he overcame all the obstacles thrown in his way. He wasn't supposed to sing and move the way he did. But he did. He wasn't supposed to have all the gold records he had, but he did. He wasn't supposed to be popular in the movies but he was. He wasn't supposed to return from the army bigger than ever, but he did. He wasn't supposed to return to performing live in concert after he was through making movies, but he did and was wildly successful. Even death has not stopped his name from being known and his legacy is intact.

Years ago, on a whim, I hopped on my motorcycle and rode to Memphis for the sole purpose of seeing Graceland. The ride was memorable only for it's being cold, rainy, and so far away I had to stop before I arrived. The following day, I ended up catching the last tour of the evening and saw the house in all it's glory. I couldn't believe I was actually there. I highly recommend it, not for the ideas of decorating your home, but to get a deeper understanding of the man. He must have been fun to be around, and not just for the peanut butter and marshmallow sandwiches!

I also got my first taste of the “adult” kind of fun folks have when they visited Memphis. My first strip club, my first time I fell in lust with a dancer, the first time I went broke having her keep me company. I think I had $1.82 left over when I finally got home. Now that's GREAT budgeting!

(Sigh).... good memories, terrible fiscal decisions!

Elvis died 6 years younger than I am tonight. 42 seems almost youthful, compared to when I was 13. I don't idolize anyone as I sit here at 48, but I admire certain folks and Elvis is one. I wish I could have a conversation. What would I ask?

What was he most proud of? What kind of father does he think he was? What does he think of his image and does it matter? What was in his bucket list of things yet to do? If he could do it all over again, what would he change?

It's funny but these are the same questions I would ask anyone. You don't need to be famous to have done things you are proud of. You don't have to have millions of dollars to be a good father. You don't have to live to 99 to do most everything you ever dreamed of.
But....

I have more questions. For you. If you didn't wake up tomorrow, what would YOU have left undone? Things unsaid? Sights unseen? Love unfilled? How does that make you feel?

What are you waiting for?

NINE ELEVEN

We lived through another anniversary of 9/11. This time of year is always a good one for reflection and remembrance. Not only is it bringing back a sense of loss, but as every year goes by, it also brings more hope and an appreciation for what we have and who is in our lives.

Television not only brought the tragedy into our homes as it was happening, it also provides some of the healing we need to move on. The shows seem to multiply as more and more stories are found and told. Heroism is celebrated, as it should be, and makes us wonder, “What would I do?”, if given the same choices.

We all can't be John Wayne.

Some of us are destined to do no heroic feat in our entire lives. No saving a life, no inspiring a child, no rescuing a cat from a tree. It doesn't make us bad. Everyone can't be an astronaut, a police officer, or a janitor. We are who we are. Dreams can make us be anything we want to be, but the harsh reality is, we are who we are.... until we decide to be something more.

There were normal people who saved others from an early grave by going above and beyond. Not just the fireman and police, but co-workers, husbands, wives, fathers, mothers, sisters and brothers, daughters and sons. They put their own safety aside and helped those who needed it. Many stories have come out and I love to hear them all. Sometimes, faith in humanity gets tested, yet we have examples that show we can be something other than destructive, selfish, greedy, and soulless.

There is a growing realization that 9/11 changed people far more than we ever imagined. People became more than they were before. Not only families of victims, but folks from all across the world. More compassionate, more artistic, more driven to affect change, and a better version of themselves than if the planes ever reached their targets.

I have heard countless people say that it inspired them to do the things they had put aside. Painting the picture, writing the words, looking at life in a much different light and trying to make a lasting impression. Teachers, construction workers, retirees, you name it, these folks decided to be more than they were and the direct cause was an act of terrorism. There is a silver lining to everything, no matter how awful. Remember that the next time you think things are really bad...

Are you ready to be a newer, better you? You don't have to wait for the next September, you know.

Today is a great day to change.

BALANCE

The sports world was rocked yesterday by the death of one of it's heroes. The talk all morning was if anyone could see a problem, or why would he do this, or was it because of his love of football or BECAUSE of football causing brain trauma. We will find out what issues 55 had. For the rest of us, I have a different thought.

Balance.

Sounds cooky but follow me here....

No matter how successful someone is, no matter how happy they may seem in public, you never know what state of mind one has when the spotlight is off. Having gone through the darkness myself, it is illogical, overwhelming, and not based in reality. When we are in the throws of despair, nothing is as it appears. The lows are crushing, optimism is non-existent, and there seems to be no end in sight. You don't want to infect the people you love with your problems, you don't want to talk about it, you don't know what to do... it is paralyzing. The only recourse seems to be to turn it off. If you don't have another option to deal with it, eternal darkness actually seems a better option. If you have never had the pleasure, take it from me, it is life-altering – pun intended!

How does a so-called intelligent, healthy, normal human being get in this position?

Medical Doctors profess a chemical imbalance, which can be controlled by a prescription, in my case it did NOT work. Besides the fact I hate pills and believe the body can heal itself in many (but not all!) instances, the side-effects were awful and did nothing to make me feel better. Some folks find success in this, so don't misunderstand, I am not saying it's bad – just NOT for me. And FYI, many people in-the-know say the imbalance can be greatly reduced by some physical activity. The only problem is, when you are feeling down, the LAST thing you want to do is sweat to the oldies...

There IS the psychological path to take as well, and I know many, many people find relief going there. While the mild forms of depression can be handled by your physician, severe cases should be treated by mental health specialists. What is severe? Substance abuse, problems with daily functions, or other psychiatric issues are labeled as severe.

Anyway....

I would hope these treatments come after we try the basics that work for the vast majority of people on earth.

Balance.

I don't just mean we work AND play.

I don't just mean we exercise AND eat healthy.

I don't just mean we help ourselves AND help others.

I don't just mean we wash AND dry our dishes.

I don't just mean we take responsibility for what we do AND accept what happens after.

I don't just mean we start the day on the RIGHT side of the bed AND make an attempt to stay there the rest of the day.

I don't just mean we learn to forgive AND not forget that WE will need forgiveness at some point too.

I don't just mean we enjoy the GOOD days, AND realize that bad days come along, sometimes more often than we think is fair.

I don't just mean we stay happy with what we like about ourselves AND do something about what we aren't.

I don't just mean we have compassion for those we know AND for for those we don't.

I mean ALL OF IT.

There is no magic pill, no one thing we can do to overcome everything we are dealing with. Without balance, we spin out of control, to who knows where. Between you and me, that doesn't sound like fun, especially when we have the means to help ourselves live in a happy, healthy, positive, satisfying, and forgiving place that others will want to join.

When life is suddenly ended for someone close to us, we have our perspective changed, long-term or short. That perspective usually is to live a happier life and stop stressing about things we can't control. Why does it take a loss to see what should be so clear to all of us? Our vision gets clouded with the crap that, when you look back a year from now, you wouldn't even remember.

Do yourself a favor.

The next time you feel anger, take a breath and look at the problem from every angle, not just yours.

The next time you feel down or depressed, take a breath and know that you CAN outlast it. There ARE options. You ARE stronger than you can ever imagine and can accomplish much more than you have thus far.

The next time you put in a week that seems to be ALL work, take a breath and enjoy what fills your heart with joy. Even if it only is for a few minutes, joy should NEVER be put on the back-burner.

The next time you see someone who needs help, don't let them ask. Just help and enjoy the fact you CAN. No gratuity required.

The next time you do something wrong, make a bad choice, or are just plain stupid, take a breath and accept it is no one's fault. It's just a reaction to your action. Eventually you will get tired of making bad decisions and you will think ahead and weigh the consequences of what you decide to do.

The next time you feel the darkness closing in, understand we ALL get a visit every now and then. You are NORMAL. You HAVE options. You ARE worth the effort.

Enjoy the opportunity to look in the face of bleakness and smile, knowing joy is moments away.

CELEBRITYISM = MAKESMESICKOLOTSITY

Seriously..... why is it, apparently a LOT of people care about any of the Kardashians, Lohans, Hiltons, or anyone that appears on TV , sports, or in music or the movies???

The fact that some people are famous just for being famous astounds me. I used to think Elvis was cool but I wasn't dying my hair black and wearing jumpsuits. What is sooooooooooo lacking in our lives we give more than a passing glance at these folks?

Is it that we long to BE them? Do you REALLY want reporters and photographers following your every move? You REALLY want a picture on the cover of a magazine at the checkout counter showing you without makeup proclaiming you are abusing drugs or drinking too much? Do you want people who can't find any exciting truth to print so they write their own version of reality FOR you? Do you want your entire family and everyone you knew well in the past to have a chance to write about you, and if they do, it will have to be BAD because good doesn't sell! Do you REALLY want someone going through your trash every day trying to find out your deep dark secret that you LOVE to eat Moosetracks Ice Cream and buy porn? Do you REALLY want a house that has to have gates to keep annoying people out? Do you REALLY want to be on a diet because when you gain a few pounds, the photos of you will be EVERYWHERE and NOT looking good? Do you REALLY want to wonder if anyone you meet cares about YOU or just being seen with someone “famous”?

Do you REALLY want fans who dress like you, talk like you, memorize your life, quote you from years ago to yesterday? Fans that constantly tell you how great you are when they don't really know you at all. Fans that will not leave you alone, even when you are tired of the attention. Fans that you have to worry about your safety? Fans that want something from you and if you don't provide it, they may get angry or tell a reporter how awful you are. Fans that expect you to be in a good mood EVERY day, even the bad ones when you have the flu, when you are lactose-intolerant, when you have a death in the family, or you just got up on the wrong side of the bed.

I imagine if we were around the vast majority of famous people, we wouldn't even LIKE them. Consider...  to be well-known, you must seemingly give up a lot of normalcy. You have to crave being in the public eye and you can't slip up for a moment (unless you are one of the trash-beauties that TRY to have a camera around when they do). The time they must invest to do their job RIGHT keeps them away from most of the people they care about. The diets they must endure to have that “look” that their public demands. The fact that they no longer can do what they want, when they want, with whom they want for fear of it affecting their image or fear of the public at large. Doesn't sound too good to me and I wonder how many people could keep their sanity or even their character. Yea I know everyone says “I wouldn't change a bit!”.

Uuuuuuuummmmmmmmmmm............. I beg to differ.

I'll bet very few of these well-known people set out to be as crazy as they ended up. Having people tell you all day, every day, without end, that you are great and you rule the world WILL affect your demeanor. You either buy in or realize how many people out there are pieces of crap and you become jaded. Or take drugs to escape. Or drink to alter reality. Or one of a hundred other things that we wouldn't do if you worked at the Post Office.

I'm not saying that these folks don't learn to be good people in small doses, but there wouldn't be weekend trips to the races or getaways to the spa every weekend either. They are busy and I'm sure they value their alone-time too. I know when I was doing the Insurance thing years ago and I was talking to 100 people a day. I got tired of humanity. When I had “my time” I wanted to just relax and NOT have to keep conversations going. Peace and quiet. Nice! What the celebrities have to deal with is exponentially more.

I used to want to be Mr Tyra Banks because I like beautiful, strong, and spirited black women. The more I thought about it I realized that she wouldn't have time for me AND her career. She knows it too, that's why she hasn't called!!

I am not buying any tell-all magazines, I am not watching TMZ every night (but I'll admit to enjoying the humor or their presenting the news!). I am not caring what type of underwear anyone is trying to endorse. I'm not attracted to crazy or too-busy or self-absorbed or compassion-less ladies no matter how pretty they are.

And speaking of pretty, why does someone suddenly appear to look better once they get a bit of notoriety???? In my eyes, they don't. I could go down to the heart of any town or sity and find dozens of ladies prettier than anyone in the “Top 50 Sexiest In the Galaxy” editions. Famous doesn't mean better. The guys who are dating that supermodel would have a dancing card a bit different if they were bagging groceries at the local Whole Foods.

Yes it would be cool if people followed what you had to say and you could affect something GOOD from it (charities and fund-raising come to mind). It would be cool to be awarded the “Best” at your field, be it acting, singing, or playing the harmonica and have people see it. Yes it would be cool to not have a problem dating. Yes it would be cool to NOT have money issues. Yes it would be cool to travel around and have people act nice to you all the time. Sure there are many cool things, but as in EVERYTHING, there is a dark side....

The price is way too high. I'll take my life instead of Elvis' any day.

Look what happened to HIM.

Great, Good, and Bad days separated by a moment....

I just got done watching “Love and Other Drugs” and it got me to thinking about happy and sad days.... the ones that linger.... the ones that are burned into our memory and won't fade away. The sheer number of each surprises me...

THE SAD

the day we “humanely” ended Tina's life

my first day to school with glasses

the day before and the day of having my appendix removed

the day I got caught stealing

attending Gail's funeral

the day I heard Mom's voice telling me to come home, Dad had died

the day I let a pop fly go over my head

the day I left Duke go to a new family

the day I came home, scraped and bruised and all Dad says is that I can't even ride a bike

the day I realized I was average in seemingly EVERYTHING

the day I had to tell my in-laws that their daughter and I were getting a divorce

the day Elvis died

when I went to the dance with my new platform sneakers and matching hat

the day I realized Vanessa was never coming back to me

the day I wished all the people on earth would just disappear

the day I realized the my ex-in-laws didn't care about me anymore

Heyward's funeral when his son broke down sobbing

the meeting I held to say goodbye to my District in Philly

when Duke was hit by a car

the day when I drove to Toledo to meet someone special and she didn't want to see me

the “immaculate reception”

the first and only home run hit off me as a pitcher

the day when I realized I would never see my Uncle Roger again

the day I lost Ana

when I knew I wasn't picked for the Jr High school basketball team

when I knew I wasn't like John Wayne

Middletown vs Berwick in the 1st state championship

telling Sonia I fell for Vanessa

when Virginia stuck me with the bill for fixing her car

a week after getting married I knew I made a mistake

wrecking my first new motorcycle

THE HAPPIEST

my first kiss

the night before leaving Germany

when I lost my wallet in NYC and a construction worker helped me out

my first visit to a strip club

taking Carolyn on a shopping spree

seeing Niagara Falls

visiting Graceland

my first game I pitched

flying to Florida to get engaged

the first day I posted my blog

bowling 300...twice!

Finding my glasses after losing them neck-deep in the ocean

waking up before Duke and he is sleeping beside me snoring...

having Mom see her son earning awards at convention

buying my Acura

the day Vanessa told me she would marry me

finding my “happy place”

the first time I had sex (all 12 seconds of it! Thanx Jodi!)

when my Aunt Nancy told me Uncle Roger really cared about me

winning dodgeball in 9th grade against the seniors

finding Duke after he ran away

when I found out I officially broke the record for sales


As I look at this list, I am reminded that each and every one of these days were normal ones that would quickly be forgotten. The routine of life is broken up by very few things. A tragedy, a bad decision, or other rotten thing makes it not such a great day, but hopefully one that we can learn from and become a better version of ourselves. It's the bad that makes us who we are and dealing in a positive way is the key to happiness.

Anyone can handle the good days. They are easy. We love to smile and laugh and have joy envelope us like a blanket we never want to get out from under.

But....

That's not reality. We are one moment, one split second away from adding to our list of good days. The reality is ALSO, we are one moment, one split second away from ending our days bad as well. Remember THAT while the tears flow, while the heart breaks, while we swim in the pool of despair...

…. one moment, one split second to go until the tears are dry, the heart begins to heal, and we reach for that blanket once again....

My 15 minutes of fame.... or was it 2?????

I was reminded recently of the connection to 9/11 that my 2 minutes of TV time had.... NO not in being accused of terrorism! (97 virgins is NOT my version of heaven...)

It seems so long ago that the towers came down and charitable giving took center stage. Everywhere you went, firemen with empty boots were asking for donations, and the people gave, and gave, and gave.... I looked at this and asked myself the obvious question and wrote the local paper.....


Letter to the Editor of The Patriot News:

I feel like Scrooge in this vast giving mood of America.

What I don't understand is why. Why do people give to the families of victims from 9/11? Sure. it is a tragedy. It always is whenever someone loses a loved one. Was it more deserving than the poor family down the street?

Should the kids be entitled to a free college education? If the victim didn't care enough to take care of his/her family if they weren't around, through savings or insurance, why should it be important to us? If the family prepared for something bad to happen (like the rest of us have to do!), should they ALSO get benefits from the charity? If not, then why?

Since almost everyone involved was at work, and I'm sure benefits are being paid, what else are we, as a society, expected to do? Where does the responsibility for taking care of your own problems end?

It's not that I'm a heartless, soulless human being. I just want to ask the questions that I haven't heard anyone else ask. I feel for the families and friends of the victims. I also feel for the people around here that lose someone and no one notices or seems to care. Those families are the ones who could truly USE the help, but won't get it because it isn't the THING TO DO right now. I think that people just do it because people are doing it. They are not thinking or debating, which is sad.

If they want to give support or just money, they have no further to look than their local neighborhood. Folks are in need on every street, in every town, and every state in the U.S.. I wonder if those who donated would have given to something else if 9/11 never happened.

I hope this giving mood continues long after the rebuilding is done. I hope that the problems arising from having so much money for the victims families doesn't affect the spirit of America.

While greed grabs the headlines, the basic good from human beings will always win in the end.


The feedback I received was all positive and thought-provoking. Everyone was happy to see the outpouring of compassion, even if it WAS misdirected. One of those who contacted me was a local TV reporter who was looking for an angle that was similar. He claimed to be working on a spot and wanted to use ME! huh...... He showed up at work and we spent 30 minutes or so talking about the letter and ultimately ended up with the best 12 seconds ever put on television! It was quite an interesting experience for sure....