DUKE

I was lucky enough to have the best canine friend EVER be a part of my life for far too short a time. Duke was an English Mastiff that had the rugged good looks of a movie star with the personality of an humble, every day working guy. He made many people change their minds about big dogs once they got to know him and made my life bearable at a time when it would have been easy to just say the heck with it.

Let me back up...

I was married at the time and we just bought my Grammy and Pap's house and wanted a pet or two to fill it with joy (and hair). A dog was a natural and the search started with trying to figure out what kind to pick. Boxers were a logical choice since her parents lived close to breeders and we thought about it... until we visited and saw they were way too active for us! Starting over, I can't remember what got our attention directed to mastiffs but once there, it didn't take long to realize this was the best for us. Laid back, protective, low-maintenance, and they seem to be smiling all the time. Perfect. Well, except for the short life, which is easy to forget when they are less than a month old...

Anyway, we found a breeder close by that was going to have a litter soon and when they did, we stopped by for a visit. Wow.... how could you NOT fall in love with these guys and gals?

We had to wait 6 weeks until they were old enough to be away from their mom and we swooped in and I found my best friend out of a group of at least eight. What drew me to Duke? Even at that young age, you could tell his demeanor was one of cool confidence and I was hooked for life.

Bringing him home, I wondered how long the honeymoon would last, having a new addition to our small family. I had gotten a cat that was a week younger than Duke to keep him company and named her Brutis. Yes, she had issues with her name, but seriously, we THOUGHT she was a boy! Oops...

They were a perfect pair as they kept themselves occupied when we were gone and grew up together quite nicely. If only me and my better-half would have been together as nicely! We didn't and it was decided I keep Duke and Brutis when she left to live happily-ever-after.

Without my ex in-laws to help leave Duke out during the day, it would have been much tougher but I have to admit, being a single parent was OK. Duke and I would go for walks almost every day, Brutis would ask for about 30 seconds of attention then she was done, and things were good.

The walks around Middletown were great. We would make one lap around town that was about 5 miles and when we happened on anyone walking the other way, most times they would cross the street rather than pass by this large, tough-looking puppy. They had no idea he was a big baby. People accused me of loving on him too much that it caused him to be TOO friendly, but I know we both enjoyed our times together.

In the summer, we would walk up the creek by our house and be able to stay cool in the water – when he wasn't almost drowning! Duke was NOT an Olympic swimmer or even a good floater. I just about lost him once when he wasn't doing his best doggy paddle and must have tired and started to go under. I acted quick enough that he just hung on my shoulder once I got to him. It was a funny feeling having my 6' 3” buddy just holding on.

Baths were always a challenge as he had a LOT of body to wash! He enjoyed it though (OK, maybe tolerated it well!) and he never got the house smelling like a zoo. Brutis didn't seem to enjoy bathing near as much.... Showers outside in the summer were best. Once the soapy portion of the event was done, I would use the hose to rinse him off, then he would take off as I sprayed him on every pass thru.

The most memorable times were at night and the morning. Those are forever burned into my mind, enough that, when old-timers kicks in, they will be great to relive. When I crawled in bed, I could see in his eyes that he was ready to plop down next to me. Spooning a Mastiff was like another human being was there! Maybe that's why I didn't miss having someone around so much after I was separated. I would sometimes wake up first, and it was like the perfect way to start the day. Duke would have his head up on the pillow (and most times have the whole bed minus the 8 inches on MY side) and he would be snoring away, dreaming of times to come. Life was perfect for a minute.

Until he got hit by a car... the worst day of my life.

It was the 4th of July and I was a bit irritated with Duke wanting out, then in... out then in. You know what I mean. I finally took him out and put him on a chain that I used at times when I knew I couldn't keep an eye on him. The neighbors were lighting off fireworks and I wasn't joining in the fun. I have NEVER liked the loud noises at all and Duke must have inherited some of that from me. I heard him asking to come in and I just ignored it. I was busy doing nothing and when I finally got around to letting him in a while later, he was not there. Chain broken, he was nowhere in sight. I spent hours looking for him. Nothing.

He was gone.

My biggest fear was that he was picked up and I would never see him again. I had no idea that he actually strayed to a busy road and was hit by a car that tried to avoid him.

I found him at the West Shore Human Society. He was beaten up but happy to see me. I couldn't imagine why. I was the one who put him out with those stinkin loud noises. I was the one who ignored his wanting to come in. I felt horrible. I left him down. He counted on me to take care of him and I didn't....

And now he had two broken legs.

The first words I heard from the less-than-sensative guy at the shelter was that Duke would have to be put down. There was no way he would recover.

As Duke came hobbling out and so obviously ecstatic to leave, I couldn't help but break down and tell him again and again how sorry I was. Tears were flowing and I had the feeling he was trying to make ME feel better, ignoring the fact he was in really bad shape. I had to find a way to fix him.

I went to his regular vet and they did NOT make me comfortable at all. Not with their treatment of him while we arrived to the way they handled the entire visit. I never went back. They gave me very little hope that Duke could and would recover.

I was fortunate to find a Vet that treated broken bones, not as an opportunity for euthanasia, but for repair. Dr Runnells was a savior. She still owns the Lititz Veterinary Clinic at 7 Toll Gate Rd in Lititz, PA (717)627-2750 and without her, the story would end there. She understood how important Duke was to me and knew I would do everything possible to make him whole again. I talked to a staff member many years later and she still remembered Duke as a loveable giant. A few thousand dollars withdrawn and he was fixed up. He would limp occasionally but we enjoyed thousands of walks and countless memories since his surgery. Money well spent as far as I am concerned.

We continued for a few more years, and then a major decision was left for me to ponder. I was given an opportunity to work in Philadelphia if I would take a promotion. I looked for a place there and actually found one that allowed a large dog and was close to the office. Everything was set.

Until I realized just how unfair it would be to take him to a strange place and leave him alone for most of the day. I debated for days on what I should do and ultimately had a situation that seemed best for Duke – adoption by a family that had a couple of Rottweilers. It's one of the few times I wasn't a selfish bastard.

I'll never know what Duke felt about it. I'll never know if he hated me for leaving him or forgot about me once he got to his new home. I didn't visit, I couldn't. Or wouldn't. Would it help him or hurt him if I did? I didn't stay in touch with the family directly, but I heard that Duke had a great time. He had plenty of company, a loving family, and long life for his breed. He lived until around 12. I had him for 6 of those years and a day doesn't go by that I don't think of him and miss him so much my heart aches. If there is a heaven, I am sure he is there. If I am lucky, he will be there to greet me, tail wagging, jumping around like we were never apart.

If I am lucky....

FATE.... OR JUST A ROTTEN PERSON???

I was reflecting the other day on an occurrence that happened to me some time ago. I got stood up.

It wasn't unexpected or surprising.

I had met a young lady and was struck by how she carried herself (and yes, how she looked!). I surprised her by making contact the same day. She seemed genuinely interested and I certainly was, so we agreed to talk more. We did and it went well enough that we set a date for a date. I playfully counted the days down and when the day finally arrived, I was excited to get more time with this unknown woman. I sent a message, letting her know I was on the way, but I got no reply. I called, and got no answer.

Uh oh.... I've been HERE before...

What were my options? Stay and hope she had a delay and really wanted to go out? Turn around and go home? Hire a hit-man to take her out, so she wouldn't do this to anyone again? I went with plan D.

I had lunch with myself.

It isn't THAT unusual to spend time at a local eatery with no one in tow. I do a lot by myself. I brought along my writing notebook and thought, if nothing else, should get some quality time with my pen. In I walked.

I had a very nice young lady as a waitress, we'll call her Jessica (not her real name). We got to talking because, if you know me, I always ask questions. It came out she was having a rotten day because of her rotten boyfriend. Of course, I like to hear about challenging situations that people overcome, but this is the same old sad story. She just luuuuuuuuuuvs him, except for the jealous rages he puts her through, the fact he doesn't work, the lies he told about LOOKING for work, and the fact everyone she knows has told her to dump his ass.

And yet, she tries to help him.

She changes jobs to relieve the jealousy (it didn't work). She pays the bills for the place they stay. She is supportive of his situation and truly wants him to better himself.

We talked about tough love, that for people to be 'fixed”, they must WANT to be fixed. Enabling only makes the problem worse for the both of you. Once you see this for what it is, you can make a better decision and act on it. Doing something that helps BOTH of you will be the best you can do.

I gave her a copy of “Kick Him To The Curb” that I happened to be reviewing and she read it between customers. She was truly touched and reacted like I would never expect.

Although I have had folks tell me that my writing helps them deal with issues a little bit better, they are usually not strangers. Jessica was and told me she was inspired to make changes in her life and thanked me profusely. She used the word “fate” and was happy I stopped in. Surprisingly, this was AFTER I paid the bill, so she wasn't saying it for a big tip.

It made me feel good to be able to assist someone, even in a small way, and I left smiling and happy. On the way home, I started thinking about it and just KNEW she wouldn't do what she said. Most of us change our minds about life-changing decisions, no matter how awful it may currently be.

Oh well... at least I tried.

Was it “fate” or just circumstances that led to a day that included this nice and outgoing fellow human being? If I change one aspect, might I never meet her? Maybe she won't make a decision so quickly or at all? If the date goes well, maybe I am married by now???? Who knows. Be it fate or just a day unfolding, it was a good one, despite the negative start to it (and the ribs were good too!). Tomorrow, we can start all over again.

Like I've been saying (and trying to believe it!), when handed lemons, make lemonade!

PS – I never was contacted by the young lady BUT I eventually found out that Jessica did indeed break off the relationship and is doing well on her own. Maybe there's hope after all....

KICK HIM TO THE CURB!

Today I'm feeling kind of blah.... kind of uninspired to do anything or even WANT to. This is familiar ground. Time to finish something I've been writing for weeks...

I was talking to a nice young lady the other day (yes, YOU Brittney!) and she let me rant about one of my most passionate subjects – women. It got me to thinking I should finally put down to paper what I've always wanted to say when I made it to Oprah's show

Being a single guy these days, I am constantly amazed at otherwise very smart, very pretty, very together women who make some really awful choices in men. While I understand we all are attracted to this or that, at some point, shouldn't we realize that we are being DESTRUCTIVE to ourselves? Maybe it needs to be pointed out clearly to those who are affected....

If you are seeing someone claims to be an entrepreneur, first ask him to SPELL it, ask to look at his inventory, business plan, and tax returns. If he has NONE, or avoids the subject, ask yourself how this fool will be successful at something he has no clue about. Is he just using the word “entrepreneur” to mean he is “unemployed and not looking for work”???

KICK HIM TO THE CURB!

There is no bigger responsibility to a man than being a good father. Making babies is easy. What's not is loving, caring, raising, nurturing, and being there for both you and your child. Kids need both Mom and Dad to help them be all that they can be. Teach them, show them, be the model to show that it's all worth the effort. It's hard enough to do under the best circumstances.

If you are seeing someone who has children and a dozen excuses for why he doesn't see them or pay for them, or even talks about them, Houston isn't the only one with a problem! His ex probably ISN'T crazy, they are probably NOT out of state, and they are probably HIS!

KICK HIM TO THE CURB!

If you are seeing someone who has a great wiggle-game and nothing else to make you smile, enjoy it for what it is. If you think you want more and he doesn't, it's time to come to grips with reality. What about him do you TRULY like other than Jr? If you can't make a long list (or ANY list!), maybe you should just make a mold of what you DO enjoy, put it on the mantle, and dip out because this won't end happy. If he KNOWS he has you by the..... cookies, and uses it to get what you wouldn't ordinarily give, it's that time....

KICK HIM TO THE CURB!

If you are seeing someone who spends a lot of time with his x-box, golf clubs, or buddies, and it bothers you, say something. Not yelling or screaming, but a nice conversation that will uncover WHY. There has to be a reason. Maybe he likes being away from you. Maybe he likes his buddies better. Maybe he likes his buddies a LOT. Maybe you should come up with a new Plan “A”, because Plan B means he sticks around.....

KICK HIM TO THE CURB!

Not everyone has the money to wine and dine, but seriously, if they can't explain WHY and make it very clear by their actions they are trying to better their situation, you are headed to Broke-Chick Mountain that will drain you of time, energy, and your good credit rating. The price is too high. Sooooooooooo....

If you are seeing someone that never seems to have any money, forgets his wallet, or has a “situation” that causes his INcome to go OUT immediately, check his credit, check your wallet for the $40 that WAS in there, put those nice pointed boots on and......

KICK HIM TO THE CURB!

If you are seeing someone who still has a room at his Mom's, get his mail there, or just keeps his stuff there, it's time for the deadbeat questionnaire to be given. It's not graded on a curve, doesn't have a range of A-F, and should be given at the first hint they would qualify.

Do you have a savings account that you DEPOSIT money into monthly?
Do you have a pay-stub that is current?
Do you have an updated resume?
Do you qualify for credit that is NOT charging 25% interest?
Do you have a suit that YOU bought?
Do you have friends that expect to be paid back when you “hold $20”?

Proper documentation is required for any “yes” answer. Failure to produce said documents or provide proof that validates the “yes” is grounds for immediate dismissal. With that being said, you know what you have to do....

KICK HIM TO THE CURB!

IF you are seeing someone who is always telling you how to spend your money, ask for his credentials. He obviously is a Certified Financial Planner and has a record of his past performance at investing. While that is not a guarantee of future earnings, it should give you peace of mind knowing that this isn't just a broke-ass-man trying to get you to spend money on HIM. If he failed to keep his designation current, he ALSO should fail to give you his financial advice, which isn't worth what you paid for it. If he didn't take the hint and continues to play Warren Buffet, there's only one thing left to do....

KICK HIM TO THE CURB!

If you are seeing someone who stays at your house more than his and doesn't pay any bills, wash any dish, clean any room, or do any laundry, consider the past as community service. Nothing can be done about it except learn and adapt. This does NOT mean to continue the Hotel 6 treatment no charge! Time for new management! Either get his help with the work involved to maintain a neat and clean place that keeps the rain off your heads or ….

KICK HIM TO THE CURB!

If you are seeing someone who wants to change you, complains about you, or just generally doesn't seem to be happy with you as you are, ask yourself if he is right. If he IS right, what are you doing about it? If, on the other hand, you feel like he is making the wrong assessment of you and your ways, have a calm discussion of why he feels the way he does. None of us is perfect. Maybe there is something to it. Don't get mad at what is said, don't get defensive, don't lash back at him. Take it all in. If it makes sense and you WANT to change, problem solved. If he is just plain wrong, doesn't have any facts to back up his arguments, or doesn't even want to talk about it, don't even warm up.....

KICK HIM TO THE CURB!

If you are seeing someone who follows your every move, doesn't trust what you say, accuses you of sleeping around, and gets offended if you do the same to HIM, well you already know.... without trust that binds two people together, without faith in your special someone that they will not do anything that will hurt, without the peace of mind that comes with knowing your one-and-only is not grazing in someone else's field, there can be no happily-ever-after. If he is convinced one of you is not being faithful, he is right.... it's probably HIM. In that case, there is only one option left... yup....

KICK HIM TO THE CURB!

If you are seeing someone who has the superpower of being temporarily invisible, who is regularly unreachable, and who goes MIA like clockwork, your alarm is going off.... WAKE UP! It's not a dream but WILL be a nightmare if you let it go. His phone is NEVER dead, he is NEVER in a “bad cell area”, he NEVER forgets the plans you made with him, and he NEVER has to go out of town for a multitude of reasons. He's just not feeling you. You are not his boo. If anyone asks, he probably says he is single. He just lacks the courage to tell you. Please help this spineless bastard take your relationship to the next (and final) level...

KICK HIM TO THE CURB!

If you are seeing someone who drinks daily and it changes his mood or personality, get a AA brochure and leave it on the table as you RUN out the door! While it's nice, at times to have a glass of wine or have a cold beer on a hot night. Regular doses of alcohol will not cure any known diseases or fix any problems. As a matter of fact, drinking WILL make problems worse and bring on health problems because they have “just one more”. You can be supportive, helping them overcome this battle, but unless they truly WANT to change their life, you will not only be unsuccessful, it will wear you out. If all else fails, one thing WILL work for you....

KICK HIM TO THE CURB!

If you have a child (or three) with someone that has some (hopefully not all!) of these traits, and you feel trapped by the situation, have faith. Family, friends, and organizations are there to help. There are always options in life, we just may not like the cost. Yes we may have to work harder, not go on as nice of a vacation, live in a smaller house, or drive an older car. All that is nothing compared to being truly happy with your life and your mate. Being truly happy begins with our view of ourselves. If you don't love you some you, what are you doing about it? Do you not like something about yourself? Great. Welcome to the real world. We ALL have things to work on. Even J-Lo has issues. No one is immune. It's realizing what needs tweaked and taking action that matters. We all fall short of the expectations we make for ourselves. It's not a bad thing. We need to have goals to shoot for. It's the crippling punishment we put on us that doesn't have to happen. Make an effort to change and see progress. It won't happen overnight. It won't even happen as fast as we want. But it will happen if you want it bad enough to do what it takes. If you don't then you better accept the results and move on.

You ladies don't realize that you have the power to change the world.

Seriously.

Guys will do whatever it takes to get your attention. We will work out to catch your eye, wear nice clothes so you take notice, drive a nice car to impress, bathe enough to keep the funk off, approach you when we are terrified at what you might say, give you flowers just because, even get great jobs so we can buy you nicer things.

YOU are what we want more than anything. More than a high score on X-box. More than season tickets to the Packers. More than new power tools, More than winning the March Madness brackets, more than our 55 inch TV (well... maybe), more than all the other girls in our past, more than money, fame, or bigger feet. More than anything.

We will do whatever you LET US DO. If that means we can get fat and lazy, we will. If that means we can treat you like an old dishrag, we will. If that means we can disregard what you say or think, we will. If that means we don't have to commit our love to you, we won't. If that means we can have another girl or ten on the side, we will. If that means we can wear our pants down our butt and show you the draws we have under them, we (unfortunately) will. If we don't have to brush our teeth or even bath occasionally, we won't.

So why do you accept mediocrity? When you do, you will be guaranteed to get it! It's time to reset the bar. It's time to expect more from guys. Start today. Don't settle for “good enough”. You CAN get that person in your life who will make it all seem like a dream. Someone who will add to your already good life, bring something more than a pretty face or a wallet. Someone who will help with the house and the kids. Someone who loves you enough to let you have some time without him, just because. Someone who will be supportive of who you are, what you do, and what you want for the future. Someone who will be a caring and compassionate lover and your best friend. Someone who thinks you are the reason he is the luckiest guy in the world. He has YOU.

If you are seeing someone who does not do all of this and more, don't try and explain the why's and what's. Don't make excuses. Don't think life is not fair. Don't stay for the kids. Don't say “soon” or “later”. If you don't change your life now, you may as well get comfortable and know things will only get worse.

You say you don't know how? It's easy. Just.....


KICK HIM TO THE CURB!

Great, Good, and Bad days separated by a moment....

I just got done watching “Love and Other Drugs” and it got me to thinking about happy and sad days.... the ones that linger.... the ones that are burned into our memory and won't fade away. The sheer number of each surprises me...

THE SAD

the day we “humanely” ended Tina's life

my first day to school with glasses

the day before and the day of having my appendix removed

the day I got caught stealing

attending Gail's funeral

the day I heard Mom's voice telling me to come home, Dad had died

the day I let a pop fly go over my head

the day I left Duke go to a new family

the day I came home, scraped and bruised and all Dad says is that I can't even ride a bike

the day I realized I was average in seemingly EVERYTHING

the day I had to tell my in-laws that their daughter and I were getting a divorce

the day Elvis died

when I went to the dance with my new platform sneakers and matching hat

the day I realized Vanessa was never coming back to me

the day I wished all the people on earth would just disappear

the day I realized the my ex-in-laws didn't care about me anymore

Heyward's funeral when his son broke down sobbing

the meeting I held to say goodbye to my District in Philly

when Duke was hit by a car

the day when I drove to Toledo to meet someone special and she didn't want to see me

the “immaculate reception”

the first and only home run hit off me as a pitcher

the day when I realized I would never see my Uncle Roger again

the day I lost Ana

when I knew I wasn't picked for the Jr High school basketball team

when I knew I wasn't like John Wayne

Middletown vs Berwick in the 1st state championship

telling Sonia I fell for Vanessa

when Virginia stuck me with the bill for fixing her car

a week after getting married I knew I made a mistake

wrecking my first new motorcycle

THE HAPPIEST

my first kiss

the night before leaving Germany

when I lost my wallet in NYC and a construction worker helped me out

my first visit to a strip club

taking Carolyn on a shopping spree

seeing Niagara Falls

visiting Graceland

my first game I pitched

flying to Florida to get engaged

the first day I posted my blog

bowling 300...twice!

Finding my glasses after losing them neck-deep in the ocean

waking up before Duke and he is sleeping beside me snoring...

having Mom see her son earning awards at convention

buying my Acura

the day Vanessa told me she would marry me

finding my “happy place”

the first time I had sex (all 12 seconds of it! Thanx Jodi!)

when my Aunt Nancy told me Uncle Roger really cared about me

winning dodgeball in 9th grade against the seniors

finding Duke after he ran away

when I found out I officially broke the record for sales


As I look at this list, I am reminded that each and every one of these days were normal ones that would quickly be forgotten. The routine of life is broken up by very few things. A tragedy, a bad decision, or other rotten thing makes it not such a great day, but hopefully one that we can learn from and become a better version of ourselves. It's the bad that makes us who we are and dealing in a positive way is the key to happiness.

Anyone can handle the good days. They are easy. We love to smile and laugh and have joy envelope us like a blanket we never want to get out from under.

But....

That's not reality. We are one moment, one split second away from adding to our list of good days. The reality is ALSO, we are one moment, one split second away from ending our days bad as well. Remember THAT while the tears flow, while the heart breaks, while we swim in the pool of despair...

…. one moment, one split second to go until the tears are dry, the heart begins to heal, and we reach for that blanket once again....