Many years ago, I used to love this
day. It was a cause for celebration, it was an excuse to call, it was
Vanessa's birthday....
Who the heck is SHE? Click [here] to
read my first REAL posting here to find out. Considering she was the
initial topic I wrote about, you can imagine how significant she was
in my life. She was my Gracie.... She was a dream come true.
So here I am, on her birthday, and I
wouldn't have even remembered, except for a reminder that popped up
on my phone. I wouldn't have given it a second thought otherwise, but
it made me think about how far I've come. I couldn't fathom ten years
ago, I'd be on the healthier side of recovery. For a long time, I
felt like I would NEVER feel fully cured or at least over it.
Time truly heals.
The fact she was pretty covered up the
fact she was a great Mother, she was a classy lady, and she had
enough ambition to succeed at anything she put her mind to. And she
DID, just not with ME.
When we were together, I never had a
more clear picture of my future than I did then. It was going to be a
dream come true for the both of us. A perfect match....
And then reality came crushing down on
one of us (me) and I didn't know what to think, how to act, or get a
grip on my new unknown future. It wasn't just the relationship with
HER I missed, it was losing the kids as well. They were my sunshine,
my realization that I could be a great Dad, an understanding and
supportive role model that would enrich their lives forever.
And then “forever” came and
went....
It took five whole years to be able to
begin to accept the situation, as I wrote in “Who Am I Kidding?”
[here]. It was progress, if only a lil bit. Time heals, if nothing
else will.
Sooooooo... here we are five years
later, ten whole years since she told me we were no longer “us”.
I was not thinking of the “what-ifs”. I wasn't thinking of
reliving the past, I wasn't thinking of anything. Nothing. I didn't
even call her to wish her a good day. She has a lot of fans, she is
happily-ever-after without me and I am too.
… and that is why, when a friend of
mine sent me a message saying her relationship had ended and she was
hurting, I told her she would be just fine. It may take a few weeks,
a few months, or a few years, but all will end well if you just look
at the positive. It happened, not after decades of living a lie, but
only a few months into it. There was only 50% of the people involved
trying to make it work, which guarantees 100% failure 100% of the
time.
I'm not trying to minimize my friend's
feelings of heartbreak. It IS real and matters. I know the depression
that follows. I know the lack of self-worth that seems natural. I
know the thoughts of non-existence that some may consider – it
happens to many of us at least once in our lives. Thank goodness we
can feel such strong emotions at all. A world without that is one
that would be truly empty.
The positive side of this story will
come for her. It may involve many tears, many sleepless nights, some
bad decisions, some regrets, but the sun WILL shine again, and when
it does, you will discover you are a better, stronger person. One who
is more prepared to choose the “Right” spouse for YOU that will
be the beginning of your “forever”
and THAT is the happy ending we ALL
want....
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