DEATH

I had a good conversation with a friend recently about death. It's not a subject that comes up very often, and when it does, it's usually right after we lose someone close. That was not the case today. 

It's funny how the thought of our life ending changes through the years. When we are young, we don't even think about it. As we get older, we may fear it. Some more years go by and we may experience a loss ourselves, giving us a much different perspective. As time keeps rolling, there is the inevitable end and our beliefs of what happens next. 

It's really a fascinating journey. 

My question was more about what my friend would miss if I suddenly was not here.  You never know till you ask the question right??

I wasn't really thinking of an afterlife as much as I was thinking of those left behind. Would anyone miss me? Would anyone have any happy thoughts of our time together?? Would anyone still be mad at me for things I may have done or not??? 

I don't have deep desires to be remembered or missed. There are a few people I know that would be sad, but of the tens of thousands of people that I've met, it seems my influence on them was minimal.

I've dated literally hundreds of people, and so very few ever followed up to find out how life unfolded. Ironically the friend I had this conversation with was one that did. While my reflection towards the past has not resulted in many good experiences, I'm happy that she took the time and asked me how things are. 

Sometimes it makes me question why not more people would take time and reach out, but these times make everything seem so temporary. With all the distractions of modern life, it seems like this is only going to get worse. 

All this focus on the past does not mean I have many regrets though. I'm not sad. I'm not so lonely that I want people around that's don't really care. I just find myself asking questions and trying to figure out the answers. This isn't one of those times where I will come to a firm conclusion though. I'm not really sure there is one easy label I can fit in this situation.

I've written about death a few times, enough to have made it a topic here. Usually people have faith in another existence beyond this lifetime, which provides comfort I'm sure. For me, I just wonder why I haven't made as much of an impact on others as they have. 

Maybe I just need to try harder...

Is THAT Why I'm Still Single?

A running joke has been me saying "Is THAT why I am still single?" to many ridiculous statements. Things like a friend saying it's strange I don't like brussels sprouts. Or if I admit to liking Jana Kramer's songs. Or if I say I'm not attracted to someone with mental issues. 

I started thinking about this and it made me want to examine exactly WHY... 

I have a long history of it, that's for sure. I was married for five years but a couple of those we were separated. I had a few girlfriends since, but most of the last 20 years have been spent alone. Or dating. Or dating and alone. 

It hasn't been for a lack of trying. 

In times before my insecurities diminished, I only required a person to like me before I wanted to hang out with them. My self-image was as low as it could be. I felt unwanted, unloved, and ugly. Luckily, it was something I could ultimately overcome. 

Unfortunately, it wasn't until AFTER I was married and divorced. It clearly affected who I exchanged vows with. To her credit, she moved on and upgraded. 

So why didn't I? 

I can look to my biological Father who was married 5 times. Since I WAS sane, it made me question if I was heading down the same path! I might have become TOO sensitive to finding the RIGHT gal to get UNsingle with. 

I can also admit that I enjoyed being single and dating - when I could AFFORD it!! It IS rather expensive.... Meeting new people, experiencing new things, and having my eyes opened to many different opinions and ideas WAS an enlightening experience. 

As I get older though, I question just how much I would enjoy my freedom going forward. It SEEMS like the daydreams I had in the past - of travelling alone, living alone, being alone - are fading fast. I would much rather have a special someone to lounge around with than have a new car or exotic vacation. 

Sooooo....

...to learn from my past, let's EXAMINE it more closely. 

The first relationship I had when my marriage was over was with Ana. She was professional, respectful, and pretty. I was smitten and it took a while to even get her to notice. I was still insecure and Ana actually made me change my whole mindset about relationships and deal better with them. I thought she might be the next MRS but she had OTHER ideas. I'm sure I was at fault. 

What followed for the next few years was a series of "fun" dating but nothing I wanted to change my newfound freedom for. Even Gail, who would have made a GREAT wife, wasn't what I was looking for at the time. Not that I KNEW what I was missing. Gail is gone now and I wonder if she realized just how much she meant to me. 

The next meaningful woman to surprise me was Aurora. She wasn't like anyone I ever met. She was from a big city and traveled a bit. She was smart, and determined and easy to like. My phone bills at the time were INSANE! Yes, I know times have changed.... So why not HER being my spouse? 

I was still a few years away from figuring out my self-worth and probably deep down, I KNEW she wouldn't want to keep me the way I was. I made excuses and it seemed so logical to explain it away, but she was a keeper. I just wasn't smart enough to do it. 

A handful of a handful of months later, I was OK with myself and the realities of life being easier to handle. This made dating even easier. The more confidence one has, the more you can just be yourself. And I was who I was. If someone didn't like it, then I was moving on. No problema.

A few years further and along comes Virginia. She was cool and we have our fun but something is missing, in my eyes. I wish I knew what. It can be frustrating when you meet a person who likes you but there is a limit to how much I like HER. She was a good Mother and cute, but.... turned out she wasn't for me. My loss.

Then, once I moved to Philly a couple years later, my dating life was wide open! It was MUCH easier to meet people and I enjoyed it. I also enjoyed some professional success, so I got to travel more. 

I met Carolyn, who would have made a life with me in a minute, but I made excuses of why she shouldn't. We are somehow still friends and I am reminded often of the mistake I made leaving her go. She has married and is living happily ever after... of course.

I met people from work-related activities, I met ladies that worked in the same industry, and I met people just out and about the streets of Brotherly Love. There were a few that wanted more, a couple that wanted MUCH more, and there were a few that I wanted much more, but THEY didn't. 

Was it bad luck or just a bad head on my shoulders, that kept me from settling down? The more I think about it, the more I know it was me. 

... to be continued

DAMAGED

I had someone I highly respect admit to me recently that she was damaged. Not in the physical sense of the word but emotionally. While I don't know her as well as I would like, if she is, she hides it very well. I would more likely use words like "smart", "driven", "focused", and "winner" to detail what she is like in my eyes. It got me to thinking....

AREN'T WE ALL DAMAGED IN SOME WAY?

Life usually doesn't discriminate when it comes to surviving people or situations. We all have had to overcome things, some of our own doing, some we are just innocent bystanders. One of the cool things about getting older, besides no one expecting us to hit a home run at Fenway Park, is that life has taught us MANY, MANY things. We are such a better version of ourselves after we've gotten beaten up a few times. We have (hopefully) learned from our and other's mistakes, are able to recognize situations faster than we did in our youth - for better or worse, and we have answers to most of our issues that pop up because we have seen them already. 

I know we all have our own way of dealing with the challenges that stand in our way. Not everyone can or will be able to come out on the winning side every time, but the destruction that may come along will usually be minimized because of our lifetime education. Or not. 

I certainly would rather bring a person into my life that has had some difficulties and found a way around them or through them, and come out the other side a better and stronger person, than someone who has sleepwalked their way in life, no problems, no walls to climb over, or no crushing defeats. They probably didn't recognize any problems or deal with them in any constructive way. 

I like to think we keep trying and keep learning and keep the joy in our lives as much as we can. I like to think that, even a damaged Mercedes is better than a new Nissan. I like to think that, sometimes, victory for us involves bringing in the cavalry to help us out of a jam. I like to think this can and will happen to my friend. I am certainly here for her and any person in my life that I respect and am lucky enough to know. 

Will anyone ask? 

A LUCKY DAY

I woke up thinking this was an unlucky day. I was ignored by some people I adored, I had a restless night, still tired, and someone stole my lottery money that I mentally started to spend. PowerBall picked the WRONG numbers AGAIN!

But it all was about to change....

I've been Ubering early in the morning, before Mom gets her breakfast. This gives me some time to decompress, maintain some separation for my sanity, and meet some new folks without her to limit my conversation. 

This particular morning started slow, so I went to the garage and was going to clean up the car. I put my phone, wallet and keys on the sunroof, so I could easily grab them in case of a ride request. I hardly started to dig in to the project when I got an alert from a rider. I quickly got the phone and put away the cleaning supplies and headed off. 

Turns out the ride ends up cancelling and I head home. On the way, I got a text message stating that they had my wallet!!!! Uh Oh!!! I looked around, then remembered, I DIDN'T bring that OR the keys inside the car.... My 2nd lucky break (the 1st obviously was a good soul finding my things) was the keys had slid back in my sunroof as I had opened it up because it was such a beautiful morning. They had stuck between the glass and the frame so I had them. 

I met the young man soon after and he didn't want any finders fee. He just felt like he would want someone to do the same for him. I was happy that everything in the wallet was still there, including the few dollars I had on hand. Score a win for humanity. 

It dawned on me a bit later that the 4 lottery tickets I was going to check that morning were gone. I figured they might be on the road, so I went to the area I knew they went airborne. I already checked two of them and had a small winner. I thought they were lost - until I found two of the four. But was one of them the winner???

My 3rd lucky break was, yes, the winning ticket was one I found. 

My 4th lucky break was in giving some pretty cool folks a ride and having nice chats with them. One was a neurosurgeon from Russia. One was a young man going for an interview, and wanting to go to college for photography and video. One was a young lady that wasn't outgoing on our first ride together but this time she was laughing at Mom and I and seemed happy. 

I could go on and on, but you get the idea. 

I didn't win the big jackpot, but I felt as lucky as anyone in town today. It was a small gesture by a stranger that helped make a potentially disastrous morning turn into a pretty darn good day.  

Now....about that NEXT PowerBall drawing.....

NICEST OLD WHITE GUY

When do you know you've crossed over to "old"??? For me, it may have been last week when I had a college student tell me I was the "nicest old guy he has met"..... 

Of course, me being me, I took that in various ways. First was the positive - I like being the nice guy. We don't ALWAYS finish last! We are a happy bunch and hopefully it rubs off on those that are less-than-jubilant. To have a stranger notice AND comment was very cool.

On the OTHER hand, being accused of "old" is not to be taken lightly. That word has so many meanings that I wasn't sure how to react. Initially, I laughed it off because as soon as they said it, they started to apologize. It was not needed. Compared to someone in the 13th grade, I AM old. Life has zoomed by at an increasing speed and I have tried to learn from every twist and tear. 

When I was his age, OLD was anyone over 40. It seemed they were mostly just bored, and WE weren't going to be THAT way EVER. Well..... Time has seen to it that NO ONE escapes it's influence. The days that turn to weeks that roll into months that stack into years that suddenly start to make DECADES, eventually affect all of us. Some less than others, but 100% incurable. 

There IS of course, a plus to aging. 

Wisdom. 

I LIKE being smarter than the dummy that was me at 20. I like the fact I learned to deal with my ups and bottomless falls into bluesiness. I like the idea of being comfortable enough to worry less about the way I look in the mirror and more about the way my mind functions in crisis. 

Getting older is NOT a death sentence. We get more comfortable with the notion of the hereafter, but not in a hurry to get there, We want to impact those younger folks, to hopefully open their eyes to things we didn't see till much later - when we prolly needed glasses to see! We still DREAM of a life well lived, the definition of which has changed many times over the years. 

Would I want to be 20 in today's reality? Nope. I lived in a good time. Elvis was still rockin, doors didn't have to be locked, and my daydreams were endless. 

I DO envy the youngsters that see the world as changeable and fixable. Society as a whole hasn't retained a positive vibe, yet these kids are wanting to have an impact, even so young. It's very cool.

So this old guy will continue to talk to strangers, if for no other reason than to let them know they matter and are part of my world. I will keep asking questions and I'm sure be surprised at some of the answers I get. 

....Because a nice old white guy can do nothing else.

PURPOSE

Sometimes I know we struggle with the meaning of life. “Why am I here?” “What is my purpose” There could be many answers.

Mom didn't use birth control.... the stork delivered to the WRONG address.... space aliens forgot to bring me back on board the ship before they left....

Some days, it's easier to focus on what we AREN'T.

I'm NOT helping the world be a better place.

I'm NOT influencing anyone to better themselves.

I'm NOT John Wayne, so I'm never the hero.

I'm NOT smart enough to succeed.

I'm NOT going to ever have a job that I love again.

I'm NOT the person I want to be.

I'm NOT wealthy enough to make a difference.

I'm NOT attractive enough to find my soul mate.

I'm NOT young anymore.

I'm NOT going to ever have children.

I'm NOT going to ever be done with the dishes.

I could go on and on, but I think you get the idea. You probably have thought these same things a few times. Feeling down is, I think, part of the human condition, for some, more than others. The key to eternal happiness is to limit the “down” times when they DO pop up.

Having a purpose goes a long way to fighting off those depressing, bleak, and dark days. When you are in the middle of a period of unexplained sadness, it MIGHT just be a matter of perspective. Those same feelings listed above, on a good day, would probably be seen much differently....

I AM helping the world be a better place by being a compassionate, caring human being that wants to make everyone smile and feel interesting.

I AM influencing others to better themselves by letting them know they matter. I give compliments when deserved, support a healthier lifestyle so they can live a better and longer life, plus I strive to do my job as good as I can so that the customers can make the best decision for THEM.

I'm NOT John Wayne.... I'm ME and I am PROUD of who I am and what I do.

I'm smart enough to know that success isn't best measured by IQ.

I can love my job again by being great at whatever I do.

I'm NOT the person I WANT to be, but I am striving to be better than I was yesterday and will be even better tomorrow.

I am wealthy enough with time I can volunteer, with a few dollars that will help a good cause, and with experiences I can share with those that have not lived and learned as I have.

I'm ME. If I don't like the way I look, I will do something about it or be comfortable with who stares back at me in the mirror. If that means I don't have a spouse or significant other, I can STILL be happily ever after by myself.

I AM older.... but WISER and I like being smarter.

I AM childless, but that doesn't mean I can't have an affect on the youth of our country. There are many organizations that I can devote time that will be focused on helping kids cope in today's world.

Recognizing the mood swings and doing what you can to balance out the negative vibes is half the battle. The OTHER half is actually DOING something for someone else. Once we live beyond our own needs, life

opens up a door to satisfaction and contentment that will only close when YOU slam it shut. The good thing is, YOU can open it again any time you need to. That's called peace of mind.

Oh... the dishes???? I give up.... the sink MUST grow dirty pots, pans, and plates.

NEVER TOO LATE TO CHANGE

 I was reading yesterday and an article caught my eye about an adult actress moving beyond that occupation. It was mostly positive, yet I wonder how most folks would react. I fear that they would have an opinion that not only would be inaccurate of this young lady, but of people in general.

I respect anyone's decision to earn a living, as long as it's not criminal or detrimental to others in society. There are countless vocations available, but I think you would agree, not everyone is going to want to work in a mine or repair televisions. Thankfully, we human beings are as diverse as snowflakes in December. There are people who LIVE to study the oceans, and people who wouldn't step foot in a boat for all the chocolate in Hershey.

By being so different, we somehow fill all those jobs that many would not consider a great career move. I'm sure the average woman would not consider being on film, acting out fantasies for money. Obviously there IS a market for it as it generates hundreds of millions of dollars. Forbes questioned the multi-BILLIONS claimed in 2001, but safe to say, it's big business. We watch. We buy.

We might not consider the performers much beyond their appearance, but they are human beings just like us, trying to pay the bills and live happily ever after. Like us, there are many stories of those failing at that, but I suspect that a LOT of the people in front of the camera go on to more opportunities that we never hear about. I wish we would.

My hope is that no one's career is looked at as unimportant or meaningless. It takes everyone, doing their part, to make this life we have work out. To me, there is not much difference in someone using their hands as a carpenter or using their bodies to dance. It's all requiring a skill and customers pay the way to success or failure, depending on just how good the skill is done.

Many of us look around and dream of our own versions of the perfect job. Some may even realize that dream with success. Others may end up dreaming forever, but we all should find our niche and be happy doing what we love.It takes courage to travel that path, but the rewards are priceless. 

The article is right in that it NEVER is too late to change. I am 50 and went into a new field that I've thought about for years. It can be rewarding, if you are finally doing what you were “meant” to do. If you never take the chance, you will never find out. If you are lucky, you will discover your talents best use and earn a happier living by doing it. it, no matter how many candles your next birthday cake has burning on it.

If you are one of the many that don't enjoy your job, maybe it's YOUR turn to change.... since we all agree, it NEVER too late....

EMPOWERED

I felt empowered last week. I quit my job.

It wasn't because I had come into money and don't need to work.

It wasn't that I couldn't earn a living where I was.

It wasn't because I didn't like my coworkers.

It wasn't because I mistakenly thought retirement would start early.

It was because the owner of that fairly successful company creates an environment that is negative for practically everyone that works for him.

As an unmarried, childless, introspective guy, there is no reason to put up with any nonsense at work (or anywhere!). I have no one depending on me for anything, so it allows for more freedom of choice than many other folks have. Sometimes I wonder if it's TOO MUCH and allows me to make some bad choices.... Oh well, those are usually better stories anyway. Moving on....

One of the options we ALL have is to find joy in what we do for a living. It IS essential that we love we what we do and who we do it for. Although many people hate their occupation or supervisor, having a good atmosphere at work can help you deal with any negativity that may challenge you at home. You won't snap at the kids, kick the dog, or generally be miserable if you have pride in your career. We all have times we are caught up in a situation that tests our resolve, and banking as much good energy as you can will help get you through.

Not only is it good for our spirit, it is good for the quality of work we do. It's natural that if we enjoy the job, the odds of us doing it great are pretty good too. Normally we like what we are good at, even if there are deadlines, high expectations, and long hours. All that CAN be done with a smile..... and without medication!

Joy at work also leads to being proud of where you clock-in and your role in the company. This doesn't happen without a great leader that recognizes the value of the people they have behind him or her. Most places of business NEED more than the owner to function. The smart owners know this and motivate everyone in a positive way. Without the success of the team, the owner will not maximize his own.... if his or her ego doesn't get in the way.

Most of the enjoyment one has ANYWHERE is the amount of respect that is given. Whether it's the grocery store, the restaurant, or the gentleman's club, the thing we most remember is how we were treated. If it's good, we want to return. If it's bad we might want to burn the place down. It's human nature. This is what was completely lacking at my previous employ. As I was giving my notice to leave, the one point I wanted to bring out was how he treated almost everyone, on the payroll or not.

Badly.... demeaning.... insulting.... you could use a number of words to describe the relationship with his staff. The business is successful despite this condition and I pointed out that, as good as he might perceive it to be, it could have been so much better if he would treat people with respect. I'm sure it went in one ear and out the other, but I had to say something for those I left behind. They will still have to deal with the abuse. Unless they, too, leave for much greener grass....

I can't understand how someone smart enough to have built an organization up from nothing, to have seen and I'm sure experienced this type of leadership and it's results, and to have hired every one of these human beings, why would he choose to go down this path? I just shake my head as I walk away.

He brings chaos and negativity to any of the three locations he visits. Micro-managing, talking down, and generally bringing a cloud of negativity to their doorstep doesn't help morale in the least. When he leaves, the exhale can be felt all around these folks. I understand most of us need direction and a plan, but there is a much more positive way to get that accomplished.

Loving your job is not always about how many digits are on your paycheck. Feeling like an important part of the group, getting a pat on the back when you do good, and caring enough to talk about a mistake made and how it can be avoided in the future are all a part of our image of work. Without the compassion of the leader, none of these things probably happen, and I'm sure the staff will only see a taskmaster and not someone they want to go the extra mile for.... or administer CPR if needed.

Who would WANT to work there? Who would want to STAY there?

In my opinion, a small business that has ownership involved should be the most pleasant organization to be involved with. No red-tape to slog through, no focus groups to interview, no worthless meetings to attend.... decisions can be MADE, staff can be happy, and things will get done. Simple.

If you work for a good man or woman, you WANT to do all you can, the best you can, for as long as it takes to get the job done. You will be proud of your part in the success of the whole and I bet your outlook on everything will be a little rosier.

If you don't have that at YOUR work, why are you still there????

THE HOLIDAYS THRU THE EYES OF A DREAMER

 We are getting close to that time of year you either love or dislike. Some like the weather that this time of year brings, some like the gifts under the tree, some like the eggnog. I look back over the years I've written and find I haven't spent much time talking about this important part of the year.          

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Guess it's overdue....

The Christmas/New Years Celebration used to be a time of crushing loneliness. I hated the reminder that another year went by and I was not feeling affection from someone special, didn't have any children to complain about, or that I still had a life that felt empty and meaningless. It happened, not every year, but more often than not. I overcame it when I realized that the reality I was dealt came from ME. I made the choices that got me here, and if I didn't like it, I needed to do something about it. End of story. Sounds easy but it took decades for this dummy to figure THAT one out.

The solitude I choose almost every year is one that, while I don't crave it,  I am completely comfortable in it. Don't be mistaken that I dislike the company of others - far from it. I've just learned to enjoy my choices, even if the results aren't going as expected. I've had many people in the past feel sorry for me, but they just misunderstood the outlook I have towards it.

I don't know how many folks get immersed in it all, but there are a few changes I would make, if given the power. I'm sure many will be glad I have no such power....

1. Play Christmas songs only within a week of the actual DAY. Ugh.... How many times can you hear Rudolph with your nose so bright????

2. Stop giving gifts. Does Jesus REALLY want you to have a new socks or underwear???? The commercialization is what mostly kills it for ME.

3. The week between Christmas and New Years would be for community service. Not only would it serve as a reminder that there are many, many folks less fortunate, not only would it help those organizations that need help, it would also be a way for people to feel needed and wanted. There are countless human beings who feel neither.

4. Outlaw the idea of making lists to improve the holidays.

I'm just kidding on that last one, but what I truly wish the Holiday Season WAS more about is LOVE.

Loving your fellow human being, .... well, except for the lawyers and those knuckleheads in Congress that forget why they are there. Appreciate the fact that the world is not empty, that we have such great diversity which brings out both the best and worst in us. I'll never be able to explain why some folks are looked at as "less-than-human" because of where they live or to what God they pray. It's the ultimate in stupidity.

Loving the animals on this world. I'm not just talking your dog or cat. There are far too many species hunted to the brink of extinction because some insecure fool wants a trophy or excitement. Others are hunted for their horns, for their skins, for their so-called medicinal properties, or for their meat. Some are mistreated because they have outgrown their "cuteness". Some are too expensive to care for. Some are thought to be vermin. As the caretakers of our planet, we should be doing much better at caring and be doing less taking....

Loving this unique (so far) planet of ours. The Earth, for all she gives we seem to only want more. We strip her forests, we dig out her precious metals, we pump out her oil, we pollute her air, pillage her waters, we steal her wildlife.... we act like nothing matters except our own misguided greed. We live for now and give very little thought to what our little blue marble will be like in a 100 or 1000 years. That's not a plan for success. Sounds more like a plan for destruction. Are we THAT stupid???

Yes, there is a theme here - maybe it's corny or maybe it's unrealistic to prefer love over getting a good deal on a flatscreen. In our unrealistic world, we would not be afraid to show our affections towards other people, countries, cultures, or religions.

War could be deleted from Websters. Along with brummagem (adj., cheap and showy). Yea.... you could just say "cheap" or "showy"!

Governments would exist to help the people they protect and serve. What an original thought! Ok... maybe NOT so original....

Genocide would only be mentioned in the dark pages of history books, not daily on the 6 o'clock news.

Folks would be seen smiling, day and night because, after all, who DOESN'T smile like a fool when they love or are loved? Listening to Howard Stern DOESN'T count!

Maybe it's just a dream, but thank you very much, I'll keep dreaming.

Without hope for tomorrow, why would we try and make a difference today?

Make YOUR difference....

Happy Holidays to ALL

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HOMOSEXUALITY... and traffic tickets

What concerns should heterosexuals have towards homosexual human beings?

 None.

Is this going to be the shortest posting ever on here? Nope.

I just find it amusing and embarrassing that so-called normal people have such strong feelings on folks with a different orientation than them. I'll come right out and say I can't stomach the thought that our inept and corrupt government decides who can and can't be married or enjoy the benefits fully. They can't keep their own house in any order, why should they tell me how to live in mine? I had an experience years ago that crystallized my feelings on the subject.

I was living in Texas at the time and met a cool Trekkie fan we will call Ray, since his name was Ray. He was excited about the new movie coming out, Star Trek V – The Final Frontier. We talked a lot about many things beyond space, and I was happy to have someone to call a friend in this part of the country. I knew NO ONE except my step-sister and her husband, and it had gotten a little lonely. I had come to Texas because of a situation with my drivers license.

The statute of limitations has run out, so I can now admit that, while living in PA, I had an unfortunate series of events (speeding, evading and eluding, more speeding) that put my license in serious jeopardy. I'll take “suspended for a whole year” Alex. In looking back, I can feel lucky that all that happened in the old days, because if it happened TODAY, I wouldn't have gotten off so easy. The comical portion of the story was provided by the Police themselves.

I know we've gone far off track, but stay with me here....

I was riding my motorcycle one afternoon, and saw in my mirror, flashing red and blue lights... CRAP! Not again.... I happened to own the fastest motorcycle made at the time, and in one quick, stupid decision, I twisted the throttle and sped off, going well over 150 mph to keep from getting yet ANOTHER ticket. He wasn't going to catch ME. Well, it turned out he didn't NEED to.

He had a bunch of friends join in our little excursion. Unbeknownst to me, as I was rounding a curve and blowing past a bus, thinking I was home-free, this wonderful peacekeeper called in the troops. Usually, as I was told later, they are too busy to join the fun, but as my luck always seemed to run out quickly in those days, they were all available and eager to meet me asap, and explain the meaning of life going forward.

I was five miles or so down the road from where I took off and I exited where I thought was clear of any law enforcement – as usual, I was wrong. They must have laughed at this dumb dumb on a fast bike, thinking he could outrun a radio. I couldn't see risking any innocent bystanders out and about on these side streets so I just pulled over and figured I could outwit Barney Fife. Wrong AGAIN. They had gotten my license plate number and I was toast. The handcuffs came out, since I was obviously a hoodlum, they put me in the cruiser, and immediately realized, they had locked the keys in the car with me!

I had to laugh despite my rather gloomy circumstances.... They tried a number of ways to open the door but finally gave up and got someone to drive over to the station for the spares. I volunteered, but they didn't think that was too funny.

I had my license suspended before and couldn't stand the thought of not driving for another whole year, so I ultimately found a not-so-legal way of staying on the road – I moved to Texas. The Longhorn State, at THAT time, didn't share much information with others about driving, least of all mine. I could get a license in Texas, turn in my license in to Penn Dot, start the suspension, and keep driving down south until it was completed. Great plan right?

[note to self: if I get to go back in time, remind ME that my plans usually were el stupido.... and to invest in Home Depot in 1981]

Anyhoo....

Ray and I hung out a while, he showed me his garage that he was trying to convert into the bridge of the Enterprise (red flags SHOULD have been going off, but I was very naïve at that time, just recently coming out from momma's skirt). He was cool. He owned a business, had the latest gadgets, and we could relate on many levels.

We went to the sneak-preview of Trek in San Antonio, despite the fact we had no tickets! The local radio station was holding the event, so we just happened to show up while the line was forming and snuck in while no one was looking. We were real rebels. Unfortunately, our third wheel, who I later learned was actually Ray's boyfriend, didn't make the show. He either didn't go when we crept in or was too afraid to follow. Either way, he had to wait until the movie was over as Ray had been the driver. This didn't put him in a good mood, not only missing the show but having his special someone with a new stranger....

Of course, I was oblivious to it all. I had no clue, until....

 Ray wanted to take me to a bar that he said had a “mixed crowd”. I was looking forward to going since I liked to look at ladies in all shapes, sizes, and colors.... you know a MIXED crowd! I had my suspicions that he was not of the girl-watching type, but it didn't matter to me. He was cool. Well.... when we walked in to this club, and I saw the “mixed crowd” that Ray had talked about, it confirmed what I thought might be true. My new friend ray was gay. There was a mixed crowd for sure. Ladies hugging ladies, men hugging men. My eyes were wide open! This actually didn't matter at all to me until he started giving me the sales pitch – you know, “try it, you might like it”

..... uhhhhhhhh..... errrrrrrrr....

 Poor naïve me didn't have any other way to say that lifestyle was NOT me. I told him, “I like girls, even if they don't usually like me”.... Just like Ray preferred the people he was attracted to, so was I attracted to who I was attracted to. Not the same, just different. I wasn't going to take this for a test drive, and I wasn't going to be upset that someone would want me to. No big deal.

 Ray gave up after a bit and we lost touch, unfortunately, but I know he probably ended up happy and content, as he was that kind of guy. I doubt he stayed with the whats-his-name that I knew. They were quite a mismatch.

When I look back on this, my first real experience in knowing a gay anybody, it was very clear that it just wasn't important to me who they wanted to be with. If they were cool, they were cool. I also believe that, if they want to marry, they should be able to, without anyone or any thing standing in their way.

 I had the unfortunatality to be a witness to guys getting angry about someone possibly being gay in the lockeroom in junior high. It was quite a spectacle. I didn't have a clue why these couple of guys, the popular ones, would get agitated at the thought someone in there didn't like girls. How pathetic, even at 13.

Obviously the stupiditity remains as we are still dealing with a lot of misunderstanding from the gay community. It has seemingly gotten more accepted, but I am hardly someone who knows much about that. If you don't walk in someone's shoes, you can't really know how good/bad things are. I don't pretend to know.

I just hope to live long enough that we don't dislike, or fear, or hate anyone strictly by appearance or preference. That's the dumbest thing of all....

RAIN

Wetness falls....

a constant stream
Blankets my world
... in misery

Gloom and doom
surrounding me
Stops my mind
My eyes don't see....

The beauty of
the life it gives
Without the rain
we'd sure not live

Plants and animals
around us would...
disappear....
gone for good

Why so many
feel so down?
With raindrops falling
all around?

Confusing, when....
you think, but though
We're mostly made
of H2O...

We should rejoice
and celebrate
Instead of blue....
We should feel GREAT!

WHY I DON'T TWEETER, FACEBOOKER, OR SHOUT FROM THE HIGHEST MOUNTAIN

I was reminded the other day of a meeting with a writers group. I have no idea why that would pop into my mind as I walked along a country road, but that seems to be the way my mind works - erratically!

Anyhoo....

The folks at this group were all published authors and were discussing the marketing of their masterpieces. They mentioned blogs as a way to bring people to a website dedicated to the book. The idea was to comment on the blog and hopefully direct readers to YOUR site. They mentioned twitterish type things that I actually tried for about a week, but found it was like talking to a wall that was ignoring you. I tried Facebookery, but found the money-grab  of their IPO distasteful and de-friended it. I actually HAVE a resume on LinkedIn but I don't network.

With all this talk going on, all I could think of was "if THIS is the path to success, I will end up using a detour". I had no desire to play at that end of the pool and was OK with it.

Psychocholologists would probably say that I have a fear of failure, a lack of self-realization, or possibly just one too many bowls of Fruit Loops. What can I say, I followed my nose! hahahaha

I'd say to the trained professionals, I'm not failing at all.

This site you stumbled onto is a window to the mind and heart of an average, everyday, ordinary guy who sometimes makes up words that help make a story.... or maybe just confuse people. Some may find it life-altering (still waiting for them to show up!). Some may find it interesting enough to keep looking through said window and risk being labeled a peeping-Jane. Some may not even be able to get through a solitary posting.

All would be right... for them.

I realized long ago no one, the least of all ME, could please everyone all the time. "Everyone" is too diverse, from too many backgrounds, having too many personalities, and too many opinions. It's just not doable. Even the award-winning actor Tom Hanks has folks that claim that "Wilson" was more convincing that him in Castaway...

soooooo........

Back to the point. "this site you stumbled onto blah blah blah...." I started to put my ramblings out there strictly to entertain. Not to fix our broken world, not to heal the sick, not to pick up chicks, just to put a smile on a strangers face or enable a thought to cross their mind. The first couple months, I was shocked to find people actually enjoyed reading those words that I formed into almost coherent sentences. Literally dozens of real-life human beings somehow found me out in the intrawebverse and some even responded with a polite "it's not awful".

I was hooked.

Like a drunk with a few dollars in my pocket, I wanted more.

The words spilled out. More folks stopped by for a visit. Surprisingly, they WEREN'T on work-release from the Looney Bin. They did seem to find value in what I had to say..... wow.

Deep down, I looked at using social media as a shortcut. Too easy. Unearned. I want to be interesting enough to have people share naturally, not just give a "like" or "re-twitter". As I write the words, I can see how many might look at me - a real dum dum. I get it. Using the tools available is no different than using whatever tools were available when I was younger.... before they invented air. I realize that trying to reach out to more folks will NOT get me on the Tonight Show, especially since Leno re-retired.

Maybe I'm just lazy. Maybe I didn't want to create yet ANOTHER password. Maybe I got tired of trying to follow the latest, greatest, hottest, internet whiz bang, which seems to change monthly.

Whatever it was, I guess I'm ready to compromise. No not by shouting from the highest mountains, but taking a small step. I will googlify a bit. Not that I am judging, but I am already a googlemite so it's easy to transition and incorporate, and use bigger words.

The first step is to ask you, dear reader, to share if you deem this worthy. Share with your friends, relatives, (even the one you tend to forget about in prison). Share with the neighbors, your pets (but not the fish - that might end tragically). Share on your tweet machine, share facebookily, share is NOT a 4-letter word, so share, if you please.

The second step is to figure out how to googlify.  I googled it but nothing came up.... hmmmmmmmm.....

Of course, I'll let you know how it goes.

UPDATE: I joined twitter a couple months ago. I have to admit that the initial motivation was to say hey to Monica Reymund, but I decided to run an experiment and see if I could steer traffic to here. Well..... it ended up being the most widely-viewed month I had EVER. It was a lot of work. It was a lot of self-promotion, which I find less-than-fun. The results speak for themselves. I am staying on to see if I can spread the word wider.

I am THERE to promote so I am going to keep personal friends out of it. I feel as if I have the same circle EVERYWHERE, I will gain nothing. What is the end goal? I wish I knew. I feel if I DON'T do it though, I will regret not trying hard to see if this writing thing may amount to something other than an interesting hobby...

UPDATE 2: 5/11/2016 - I rejoined Facebook a few months ago to connect with someone and also to see if using it could drive more eyes to read HERE. I waved the white flag to my protest of Mark Z and faced up to the fact that a LOT of people use FB in one form or another and I dove back in. I have to admit, that as I got more involved, it was a way for me to interact with people even as I stay around Mom. The unfortunate side-affect is that I use some creative energy there and haven't been inspired to write much HERE.

UGH...

THAT WOULDN'T HAPPEN TO ME....

When we were young, we would look at the world around us and the people in it, and say to ourselves, "that's not going to happen to me!"

We would see our parents, stressed, old, and out of touch, and KNOW we would be better at raising kids and at living life than they were.

We would see super-sized folks that may have had one too many donuts and we would say to ourselves, "I WON'T let that happen to me!"

We would hear stories of poor. lost souls who turned to drugs or booze to ease the pain of living. I imagine they, at one time, said the same thing.... "won't happen to me"

We see the elderly, moving slow and unsteady, and we can't imagine being in their shoes. We will take better care of ourselves so that it "Couldn't possibly happen to me"

We see a traffic accident, and while feeling a bit compassionate, deep down we are SURE that couldn't happen to us. We are far more careful... I CAN text and drive.... I CAN multi-task while going somewhere... It WON'T happen to me....  

We see adults all around us, unhappy with their careers, and the ONE thing that we will do is LOVE our jobs.... right???

If any of these things are said out loud, I'm sure it would get a smile from Mom or Dad, knowing they too, thought the same thing.... Every generation has ideas and aspirations to better the previous one. We are smarter, more driven, and better equipped to handle anything that comes up, then....  What happened???

With age comes wisdom... or DOES it? As we grow older day by day, many of us are still guilty of the same sort of "wouldn't happen to me", just on a different scale.

You see foreclosures in the neighborhood and feel sorry for those that are moving. Do you wonder if THEY felt like it could NEVER happen to them either???

Smokers keep at it despite the overwhelming evidence of awful things that may happen, despite knowing someone who passed away from some form of cancer or emphysema, still puffing away. Why? Hmmmmmmmm....

People from all walks of life struggle to find work when their career is cut short by a layoff or closure. At least YOUR company is doing well, so it won't happen to you...

The car has been making funny noises, but hasn't ever given you trouble. Maybe you can take it in NEXT week. It surely won't leave you stranded in the dark....

A person stumbles out of a nightclub, going home alone, but getting home will be ok, despite the buzz. They will be CAREFUL and won't get caught....

Retirement is a long ways away, but something always gets in the way of starting to save towards it. Maybe NEXT year you can put some money in the 401k.... or maybe next......

I'm convinced no one expects to be in the lousy situations they get themselves in, yet we put ourselves in position to get there. Makes me wonder why we aren't smarter about it.... Maybe 'cause we keep sayin, "it wouldn't happen to me!"