DEATH

I had a good conversation with a friend recently about death. It's not a subject that comes up very often, and when it does, it's usually right after we lose someone close. That was not the case today. 

It's funny how the thought of our life ending changes through the years. When we are young, we don't even think about it. As we get older, we may fear it. Some more years go by and we may experience a loss ourselves, giving us a much different perspective. As time keeps rolling, there is the inevitable end and our beliefs of what happens next. 

It's really a fascinating journey. 

My question was more about what my friend would miss if I suddenly was not here.  You never know till you ask the question right??

I wasn't really thinking of an afterlife as much as I was thinking of those left behind. Would anyone miss me? Would anyone have any happy thoughts of our time together?? Would anyone still be mad at me for things I may have done or not??? 

I don't have deep desires to be remembered or missed. There are a few people I know that would be sad, but of the tens of thousands of people that I've met, it seems my influence on them was minimal.

I've dated literally hundreds of people, and so very few ever followed up to find out how life unfolded. Ironically the friend I had this conversation with was one that did. While my reflection towards the past has not resulted in many good experiences, I'm happy that she took the time and asked me how things are. 

Sometimes it makes me question why not more people would take time and reach out, but these times make everything seem so temporary. With all the distractions of modern life, it seems like this is only going to get worse. 

All this focus on the past does not mean I have many regrets though. I'm not sad. I'm not so lonely that I want people around that's don't really care. I just find myself asking questions and trying to figure out the answers. This isn't one of those times where I will come to a firm conclusion though. I'm not really sure there is one easy label I can fit in this situation.

I've written about death a few times, enough to have made it a topic here. Usually people have faith in another existence beyond this lifetime, which provides comfort I'm sure. For me, I just wonder why I haven't made as much of an impact on others as they have. 

Maybe I just need to try harder...