JUST ANOTHER VALENTINE'S DAY?

As another Valentine's Day grows closer, It has me thinking "How will this be different?

I'm still very much alone.

Yet this one does seem a bit strange compared to most.

The distance between us may be measured in miles, but I still feel the touch of you, in every way. I still hear your voice, finally saying the words I want to hear. 

The days, after a long wait, we can spend together enjoying each other as we currently cannot

The nights, finally, we could spend together

Enjoying each other beyond any expectation. 

There certainly are moments when it seems impossible, but this too passes, as I bring back the memories of times imagined and real.

And a smile always shows up, as I come to the parts where the distance is gone, your eyes look into mine, and we know our "forever" has begun... 

YOU.... IN THE REAL WORLD

You made an impression...

not with a hammer, but a smile

a genuine, 100% happy kind of look

The kind I strangely want to inspire

You keep your distance, yet.... can I tell?

If you are just being kind.... or maybe

I might be so lucky to attract a young lady

so vibrant, and full of compassion, that....

You make me want to know more....

like, how could I add to what appears in my eyes

is a life that needs nothing at all

You're spirit is free, your soul seems complete

You may not have a place for my heart'

I most definitely want to find out

For better or worse, maybe the truth will hurt

but knowing just might make the dream real

You say, “What dream?”.... disbelieving

the things I have said in the past

“YOU” started off each paragraph here

like the YOU that starts off each day

The YOU in my mind smiles back at me

each morning is the YOU I hope you might be

Happier, still, because I bring along bliss

the kind imagined so often.... so clear

There's nothing like a partner, a lover

a friend that is a help when you hurt

that shares in elations and celebrations

that life naturally seems to bring your way

It's quite obvious.... the signs are there

to everyone that sees us out and about

We found the match to our euphoric lives

The key ingredient, to bring sunshine every day

A partner that loves and supports

not only the you of today, but the you of tomorrow

and more... the YOU you WANT to be

The one you strive to be.... and WILL be

So.... how can I get you to open the door

for this stranger that just came along?

This man, so open.... to all that you are

and all that you might be.... in the real world

I THOUGHT YOU WOULD BE....

The emptiness is numbing
The numbing feeds the 
despair that hovers 
like a bad dream

Hoping I wake 
and find you here
But as hard as I look
you are not

Things may go on 
but not as before
The sun will come up
It's light not quite the same
as when you lit my desires

To be a better man
a better me for you
Because you would be
my dream come true

A late night vision 
of what I thought impossible
Until you amazed and dazzled
Without even trying at all

Is it over and done? 
Are you lost to the void?
I'll go back to sleep 
and keep the dream alive

...if that's all I have of
the life I wanted with you
The "us" that COULD be
replaced by the reality 

That there is no "We"
Only a loneliness that 
doesn't feel as it should
when I thought you would be...

....mine

AND THEN SHE WAS GONE

I met her on a rainy day
she made the gloom disappear
with her pearly whites
as she smiled back at me

from across the room
.... and then she was gone

I fell in love with her eyes
while walking along an unknown street
Time slowed for a moment
as we passed, two strangers....

could have been more....
.... and then she was gone

She was sitting alone, in the moment
gazing at folks wandering by
What was she thinking as our lives intersected?
Was she hungry for company?

Or content in her solitude?
.... and then she was gone

At the store, just getting a few things
Who do I see, but a princess in need
I want to help, but hesitate more
Could SHE be the one meant for me?

I contemplate this, too long it's clear....
.... and now she was gone once again

What's the point of remembering all of the past
When nothing has become of it since?
To educate clearly, I've learned this one thing
If I don't act on the moment, she will pass by

never to be seen again....
for now she IS gone

I didn't invite the opportunity given
failing as she faded away without knowing
what could have been, the ultimate pain
from potential to reverence to inconsequential

in a moment that was too short to measure
.... but this time it's different

I can't let her go as my future still unclear
I have to find if she has a place
easing the pain of "what-if"
One step closer to finding my one

and not letting the moment pass by
.... cause then she would be gone... gone

NOTICE ME

Why can't you see, that so obviously
I want to know more about you
The complexities, the bad and the good
Yet, I'm just one of the faceless crowd

 That happens to pass on by
Like a comet in the sky
I'm there but gone too soon
Not even a memory to linger

 Why does it burn in my mind
Filling my dreams with more you
Are we so wrong for each other
There is no chance for "us"
What can I do to make you see in me

What I clearly see in YOU
What is it that will catch your eye
And make you notice me

I know deep down that there's nothing
I can do to change your mind
Nothing to prevent overlooking
That the ME that makes ME Feels empty

for it is missing
The magic that makes YOU, you
No one noticing the pain or
the loss of a future, unseen

MY TIME TO SHINE

It's finally come

My time to leave

A brand new start

to celebrate, not grieve

It IS my time to shine

I've had my share of
complaints and of candor

Perfection's not mine

but I'll strive to be grander

I've learned a lot

There's much more, I bet

Resolute.... no doubt

That my focus is set

It is my time to shine

Life has it's ups 

and matching downs

The smiles, for sure

outweigh the frowns

It is my time to shine

A bit of lingering fear

Clearly not obscured

But it will certainly melt

Then I'll be free, I'm sure

It is my time to shine

The years of work

and the daily grind

Prepared for this

Opportunities align

And with it, peace of mind

It IS my time to shine

THE DOOR WAS OPEN

I left the door open last night....

hoping you would walk thru

But when I awoke early in the morning

there was no one in my bed but me

The hopes, the dreams, the fantasies, all fade

when the reality of you and me becomes clear

A “couple” we are not, so that makes us....?

Friends...? Lovers...? a twosome....?

What can I call this?

A tryst? A hook-up? A rendezvous

with some affection to give?

When all I really wanted was you....

.... or was it?

Clarity of my loneliness paints a sadder picture

A canvas of disappointment, with a splash of joy

But if one looks closely, the colors of happiness

don't cover the entire portrait of our togetherness

Now that I see clearly, what do I do?

Should I continue to unlock the door

hoping you will arrive with a smile and a kiss

only to realize later you didn't come at all?

I want to be strong enough to just say no

To turn hope to knowing,  dreams to being,

fantasies to realities that bring elation,

not depression or crushing discouragement

Can I have that strength today

when just last night

the door was open

to only you.....

THE LIMITLESS POSSIBILITIES

A new face dazzles, in the crowd

seeing her like no one's around

What is it that catches my eye

and makes me want to stop and say hi?

It's not her smile, for she looks so sad

It's not her eyes or shape she had

It wasn't the fact that she noticed me

Because, in fact, she didn't even see

That my temperature rose, my heart acted crazy

beats hard in my chest.... my vision was hazy

But clearly unaffected, my sight of this angel

and just as quickly, closer to unattainable

When a few more steps.... she'll be gone forever

Would fate let me see her again? Never!

“Act now, you fool!” I tell myself.... then....

as I turn to catch up, there's two police men

They look at me strange.... tell me I'm under arrest

I'm so confused now.... is this another test?

A mountain to climb?.... but wait, what just happened?

The next thing I know, my bail is set at 10 thousand!

What didn't I notice, as I was stealing my glance?

For some unknown reason, obviously I forgot to wear pants!

My mind does in fact, wander.... but not THIS extreme!

Please.... Please.... let this be yet another bad dream

Fast fading memories.... yet her face is clear and not lost

Pressed in my brain, I want to go back at any cost

It was a dream not a nightmare

of a someone who with me, made us a pair

Was she perfect? I don't know but for now I will keep

The Limitless Possibilities of staying in a deep sleep

HOPE

My mind drifts....
... to a time I was small
The world seemed so large
How was I to matter?

When there were so many people
so many souls.... searching
for their own place on earth
trying to be proud of who they are

How quickly some gave up
Fading dreams.... followed by apathy
Not a care in the world, including
not caring FOR the world

Why should they care, when obviously
no one pays them no mind
Walking through life, invisible, disconnected
Finding the false joy of drink or drugs

They don't need GPS to find
the road to the nowhere they call home
claiming life is not fair or no good
Yet they do nothing to change, nothing to move

from the street they live on
to the one they used to dream about
Content to fail, to turn their backs
to the wondrous world of possibilities

Maybe they can't be King or Queen
but they CAN be elated and excited
by the rising sun that begins each day
An opportunity to share some love

With a friend or a stranger....
But.... I fear they won't
find happiness in life, a bottle, or a pill
It's sad to think a soul is wasted

When joy is just around the corner
If only they would take the first few steps
It would become clear, joy has
always been inside them

The rest of us call it hope

MY FUTURE HAS A FUTURE

Why am I here?

To be lonely and sad?

What's the point of it all?

To reach a new level of “bad”

Bad to hang out with....

Bad to get close

Bad to know more about

You'll just think I'm gross

To think like I do

to be bluer than blue

Just take a pill

it will make a much-better you

But it hasn't worked yet

no matter what I have tried

I've done all I can

No wait..... I just lied

There's one last thing left

for me to complete

To be rid of this pain

to be done, 'cause I'm beat

I wave the white flag

I've lost this long war

My only decision is....

to be here... no more

Suddenly I wake up

to an outlook, anew

It isn't so bad

to have a bad day... or two

Or even a third

a forth, eight or nine

Because I know truly

I'll see the sun shine

There will be an end

to this unending pain

It will stop 'cause I said so

I'll walk straight through the rain

And when I look back

I'll be glad I'm still here

Life IS worth living

When the blues disappear

Every day is not rosy

every night is not repeated

I'll remember the next time

I start thinking I'm defeated

I'm much stronger now

since I've stared down the beast

My future has a future

When my world hasn't ceased

RAIN

Wetness falls....

a constant stream
Blankets my world
... in misery

Gloom and doom
surrounding me
Stops my mind
My eyes don't see....

The beauty of
the life it gives
Without the rain
we'd sure not live

Plants and animals
around us would...
disappear....
gone for good

Why so many
feel so down?
With raindrops falling
all around?

Confusing, when....
you think, but though
We're mostly made
of H2O...

We should rejoice
and celebrate
Instead of blue....
We should feel GREAT!

I DON'T MISS YOU ANYMORE

I woke up this morning
and something had changed....
How could this be????
....I don't miss you anymore

Countless nights spent in bliss
dreaming of the "us" that never was
Our time together for those few minutes
made sleep a welcome friend

The visions were always the same
Reliving the best day of my life
Any day with YOU, of course, qualifies
in making me lucky to be alive

When I would waken, just for a moment
it all felt so real, until I reached over
to your side of my bed, but....
not even your memory remained

What stayed was the emptiness
for every day to follow
Disproving the theory
that time heals all wounds

Thousands of days I waited
for the hollow to be filled in
Yet, it did not fade in the least
Only repeating the same

So... Why on this morning
is everything changed?
No more pain, no more empty
What will I do now?

I don't know what to think
I don't know how to act
I don't know what's in store
with no more "us" in my heart

TEARS

Gently down my face it falls
This time, it's a happy tear
I've witnessed something truly touching
Makes my day, my month, my life

Another day, the cry is sad
This time, it's a loss that's felt
not only on my cheek that day
but deep inside my broken heart

How different those emotions feel
but on the face, the same result
Watery eyes, a choked up throat
yet, I'm happy to be moved to tears

Because without the salty mix
of joy, of love, of pain, of loss
This life we have would mean noth-ing
The tears, they make us very strong

We notice now, what might have been
standing in our way or worse
We know how much we'll miss the day
when what was there is gone

TURNING LEFT

Have you ever considered
the path you have chose
leading to where you are?

Did you always turn left
despite what you knew
when all that you knew ended bad?

Maybe it's time....
to look other ways
for other, more positive light

It's not what you think,
It's not what you see
If all that you need is a friend

NOTHING TO SAY

I sit, pen in hand
awaiting a muse
A person, place or thing
there's so many to choose

Yet nothing arrives
No story, no thoughts
No laughs or a lesson
Today, none will be taught

But the emptiness speaks
in a voice strong and loud
This day might say nothing
Tomorrow?

Words might be found....

WHAT HAPPENED TO US?

I remember the excitement
The fun.... The laughs....
We saw the bright side
The positive.... The good....

Love was the glue that stuck
when we tried to forget
why we were a couple
instead of two singles

The highs were very high
the lows... not so much
So why did the darkness
slowly creep in and stay?

Drowning out all the reasons
we made to join hands
And now we can't touch
or smile or even see

The cause of this misery
that won't go away
What happened to us
and our life.... ever after?

GOING AWAY

I have family that is going through a terminal illness. The battle has been going on for a while and thought to be winning. Very recently, it has turned for the worse. The VERY worse. I was thinking about it from both sides – the victim of this awful disease and those close who have a front row seat to the effects and troubling idea of the coming loss...

I came up with this:


ON YOUR OWN

The words still loud on my mind
How could this be?
I've done all I can to be rid of this bug
Why now? Why me?

The cancer is spreading beyond control
counting the weeks
until I am free of the pain and sickness
I couldn't beat

The questions stop as I look back
to a life so full
A loving wife, a son I can be proud
It's not so cruel

To have a date to look towards
a gift, I know
To say goodbye and have my peace
not afraid to show

How much I care for those close to me
forgive those, not
and appreciate the joy of living
and things I got

Not the cars or the house, toys or cash
but, memories
Of years gone by, celebrations
...anniversaries

Moments that make me smile through the day
special times, special souls
They gave me purpose and strength to go
beyond my roles

Husband, father, good friend to many,
Businessman...
The titles don't define, yet they are ME
Not the plan

To be leaving so soon, with much undone
but as I do
My hope is, all I've done is enough to know
the man you knew

The man who loves you, here and beyond
the man assured
You will do fine with me by your side
unseen, not ignored

Don't doubt I am there, helping where I can
and when you need
Always there, you'll feel my spirit next to you
when you succeed

And when you don't, I'll still be there
even when you've known
That you can do this thing called life
all on your own

The OTHER side....



ON MY OWN


This can't be happening
Not to my Dad
The world is a better place
with him in it

I can't imagine him not here
He always was
It's not fair for this to happen
to a good man

A great Dad to me
A better-half to Mom
He's the best part of us
What happens next?

How will I enjoy another day
without his laugh?
How will I be a great father
on my own?

When he won't be there
to help or even see
the kids that would be
GRAND to him

Will the tears ever stop?
Will the heart feel again?
Can I really be the man
he taught me to be?

I'm not ready, not yet
I need more time
To know how this man
made me proud to be his son

I can't say goodbye
I can't just let go
But it's out of my hands
He's moving on

And showing me again
how to be a man
in the face of darkness
he's the light that shines

The man I want to be
The man I need to be
To know this man
can be proud....

I am his son

THE JOURNEY CONTINUES

It's finally come
my time to go
The journey continues
An end that is

a new beginning
For strangers
to become friends
For strange places

to become home
Unlike my homes of past
A collection of
who I was

with who I am
and all the while
walking the path
of who I'll be

Not just
a change of clothes
or different eye color
but an upgrade

to my core
to my soul
a better me
in the same old world

IS IT TOMORROW YET???

This day is shit...
One of the worst in memory
Can't wait till it's over
Is it tomorrow yet?

There is no cure
for this pain I am feeling
But I have to think
there's an end in sight

The lingering doubt
has a mind of it's own
repeating to me
tomorrow is always a day away

Yet, without this hope
what would I do?
All I can think of...
Is it tomorrow yet?

When it comes
There will be a brand-new start
to a brand-new life
or at least a brand-new me

One that laughs at the agony
of going left not right
when right was right all along
Is it tomorrow yet?

...I TRIED TO HELP

Have you ever imagined what would be said at your funeral? All of the ones I went to, there were no words from the departed. None. No "kiss my ass", no "missing you" nothing.While I don't anticipate one for myself anytime soon, I decided to write how I feel at 48, just to see what things change at 58 or 68....

here's what I came up with.

It's time to leave
Go home...
Goodbye....
A life fulfilled

Regrets are few...
A long, long list
of people who
were memorable

and gave me hope
of a better me
to reflect upon
...be proud I was

a good friend to some
Did not have many
but those that were
were such good folks

Lucky... I was
having people around
who could share a laugh
and a thought or two

I wish they felt
the same about me
Yet, I realize
I'm not the guy

who inspires all
or even a few
My only goal
by the end of me

was to leave this earth
a better place
I fear I failed
...yet again

As I look back
I see no change
but I realize
I've had a happier time

than if I gave up
a long time ago
So what is it
that can be said?

A few simple words
Like the man I am

… I tried to help