JUST ANOTHER VALENTINE'S DAY?

As another Valentine's Day grows closer, It has me thinking "How will this be different?

I'm still very much alone.

Yet this one does seem a bit strange compared to most.

The distance between us may be measured in miles, but I still feel the touch of you, in every way. I still hear your voice, finally saying the words I want to hear. 

The days, after a long wait, we can spend together enjoying each other as we currently cannot

The nights, finally, we could spend together

Enjoying each other beyond any expectation. 

There certainly are moments when it seems impossible, but this too passes, as I bring back the memories of times imagined and real.

And a smile always shows up, as I come to the parts where the distance is gone, your eyes look into mine, and we know our "forever" has begun... 

VALENTINES DAY 2018

Here we go again. 

Another year, another romantic holiday I get to ignore. And survive. And write about, like I did a few years ago [here].

This wasn't supposed to be happening again, yet here we are. I'm alone and talking about it. 

Does it help? 

Not in the least. 

What WOULD help?  

It's not so simple. 

Just finding someone isn't enough. I am changing, as we all are, and I find that the "learning" process gets shortened as time goes on. Why?

Wouldn't it be nice to spend the day (and night!) with someone and NOT be alone? Yes, but only if they are TRULY special. How does one recognize the specialness so quickly?

Often, it is more about what qualities the person DOESN'T have, as opposed to what they do. If they aren't interesting, it's almost instant death. If they are not a thinker, there's not a good chance at a second date. If they are self-absorbed, I don't know how I didn't see that to BEGIN with. That's a trait I rather run away from. If they are not compassionate, I am not going to think much of them. 

I realize, after dating for decades, that these are glaring, easy to see if one is paying attention, and not good for ME. I'm not saying these should be qualifications for EVERYONE. We all like what we like, and it is NOT the same for all of us. 

There's the OTHER side of the coin, and I found those very desirable qualities in people before, but if I am not what THEY want in a man being in their life, I can't complain too loudly. I can be SAD, and I still am. 

I can ALSO be a bit down. That's OK too. Every day can't be a great one or even a good one. Some you just have to plow through, get to the next, and hope to make it better. 

So in anticipation of the 14th, I am sitting here, not with a smile, but not in tears either. I am going to be just fine and so are the MANY others that are in the same predicament as me.... 

....but I can be finer if that very special mate of mine would use her GPS and find me already!!!! 

Until then, I hope you can keep smiling through the pain, through the misery, and know that this situation is VERY temporary. 12 months from now, or 12 weeks from now or even 12 DAYS from now, your life could be exponentially better and more fulfilling.... and have as much love in it as you can handle. 

You just have to believe... and so do I. 

Good luck and Happy Wednesday! 

VALENTINES DAY

I've been writing here for almost 7 years and have never once written about THIS holiday. It wasn't because I feel some sort of way about it, although I have very few GOOD memories (The BEST memory was talked about [here]. It isn't because I am sooooooo into it that I can't do it justice, although I really think it's just an OK day. It isn't because I am not a fan of love, because if you have read ANYTHING here, you would know....

Most of the last 20 years have been spent single. This day when you have no significant other CAN be quite a downer. It reminds you of something that may be a sore spot already. There are good days being single though and the hope is that Feb 14th will land on one of THEM! There are, of course, not-so-good ones too.

I used to be one of the sad souls that hated being alone. Insecurity and unhappiness ruled the days back then. I saw couples everywhere I went. At the stores, movies, restaurants, even the neighborhood was overflowing with folks NOT single. It was this way for decades till I finally figured out that being HAPPY was much more fun than being UNhappy. Sounds easy but if you ask most people, we all have gone through it. It just takes some of us longer than others. I wrote about finding my happy place [here] under the "Eternal Soul" section.

For someone to be truly accepting being alone, they have to feel good about themselves. Not just "I look cute" in the mirror, but a deep, profound analysis of who you are. No one is perfect and some people mistakenly think there is another human being that "completes" them. There is no completion that needs to take place if you are cool with you.

There may be a person who makes your life richer, makes the good times gooder and the bad times shorter. There may be a better-half, a suitor, a paramour, a partner, a companion, a boo, a bae, a baby, or special someone that makes you be the best you imaginable. The key is, to NOT have to sacrifice who YOU are when with your mate. If there is too many issues (talked about [here]) or there is a major deal-breaker, you are MUCH better off alone! I know some of you are saying, "He don't KNOW me!" and you are right. I was the WORST version of all that and I learned. If I can be happy in solitary confinement, ANYONE can, trust me on this.

If you ARE happy, enjoy it. If you AREN'T and will not lift a finger to DO anything about it, you are sentenced to a lifetime of exactly what you are feeling now. It isn't natural, preferable, or necessary at all. You CAN find joy in "alone". You CAN overcome the lows of losing someone special and not finding a new version. You CAN be the happy person you imagine yourself to be, but YOU are the only one that has the cure. If you haven't figured out HOW, maybe you will find an answer [here].

Step one is to get off the couch....