ABUSED WOMEN

This is the same guy you swore you wouldn't go back to

This is the same guy who affected you so much, you didn't even recognize yourself

This is the same guy you couldn't figure out why it took so long for you to walk away from

This is the same guy who made you feel less than who you are

The same guy who, if you didn't answer your phone at work, assumed you were with another man.

This is the same guy that you can't have a deep discussion with

This is the same guy who wouldn't pay you rent

This is the same guy who beat the hell out of you

This is the same guy who made you feel damaged, when in fact, one could say you were fabulously successful.

This is the same guy who didn't trust you 

This is the same guy who took you away from your family.

This is the same guy that made you be less of a mother then you ever were.

This is the same guy who no one liked 

This is the same guy that, despite Karma stepping in and hurting HIM instead of him hurting you, all you could feel was sympathy.

This is the same guy that lied to get your attention

This is the same guy whom you feared for your life

This is the same guy who gave you no choice in having sex

This is the same guy that would rather sit around and smoke pot instead of getting his life together and moving forward.

This is the same guy who, if you got pregnant, you wouldn't let it go full term

This is the same guy who added nothing positive to your life ...only misery

This is the same guy that you had to spend months trying to figure out why you stayed in the relationship once it was obvious that he was no good

This is the same guy who's got no future

This is the same guy who's going to do nothing but drag you down

This is the same guy that, despite all the above, you still claimed you loved.

This is the same guy that you feel like you can spend the rest of your life with.

I've had the misfortune of witnessing abusive relationships up close and personal. I've learned that logic is not a tool that seems to have a use in these situations. Being that I'm a logical thinker, it was especially hard for me to understand what the abused person actually saw in their predicament.

I think most of us want to help someone that is in such pain that they would endure physical and/or mental abuse at the hands of some low-life bastard. The question is, what help can you truly give to someone that doesn't see a need or that doesn't want any assistance from you?

I've tried multiple ways in the past to break through, but my batting average is still 0. From trying to get  them an appointment  with a therapist, to  trying  to  lift  that person's  self-esteem ,  nothing worked . It's one of my biggest failures. It seems like there should be something to say or actions to take that will open up the eyes of the damaged person. 

Except there isn't.

I'm sure in the psychiatric world there are many reasons and many explanations as to why someone would tolerate this type of hell. Not feeling worthy, feeling shame, and not seeing a way to safely escape are common themes. But what does that mean to those of us that care I want to help??? The sad reality is, until that person is ready to accept help, the chance of you being able to do anything are slim and none. While you can see the destruction clearly, that person involved might not be able to see anything at all. 

So what can we do except try to love them, support them, and stay positive towards them, right up until the moment they tell you to get lost. While you may cross some invisible line in their eyes, you can rest easy knowing you have done all you can do. No regrets, no lost sleep, but unlimited sadness in the knowledge that the person you care about is dangerously unhappy.

I wish I had better news, or better results I can look towards, but I got a big fat nothing in this sad sad situation. I just hope that if you cross hats with this evil treatment of a fellow human being, you will have more success then I....

PS - The young Lady that inspired this post, and had MOST of the examples listed above, decided to MARRY her abuser AND have a baby. While this doesn't make me sad, it DOES make me feel for the child. I have no faith in her having a good Dad, and hopefully, her MOM can do as good of a job with this kid as she has done with her others.