Perception

I was talking to a very nice young lady today and she reminded of a topic I wanted to write about....

Perception.

The image one has in another's eye might be greatly different than the one we try to portray. How many times have you thought you were hiding something when all your friends knew what was up? Happens all the time. Of course there are folks who don't TRY to portray something and yet it comes through. Take for example the women who speak well, have standards that they will not waver from, and have a taste for the finer things. They may be viewed as “divas” or worse, but in fact, they are just being true to themselves. Many times, the girl I am most attracted to is considered “bitchy”. I quickly counter with what they REALLY are – strong-willed, opinionated, and outspoken. Easily confused without knowing the person involved.

And then there is me.

I have had more than a few people make a comment about those I have written about, mostly the wonderful ladies that have been in my life. The comments range from “I hope I am NOT just another topic for your blog” to, “wow, there have been a few huh?” It made me think....

The more I thought about it the more I realized how much I prefer the way I am to the alternative. I like the fact I am open to love and relationships. I like the fact I can openly discuss the good and the not so good things about me and romance. I like the fact that, for the most part, that I can keep swinging away despite striking out many times. My head is still in the clouds I suppose. I still think I can live the movie, the song, or the dream. All it takes is the RIGHT woman.

I'm not talking perfect. She will have issues. She will probably be damaged as much as anyone. She will be as skeptical of ME being special or maybe I'm just “special needs”. She won't be afraid to say so. She won't be embarrassed that the difficulties in the past have changed her, because it's for the better. She won't crumble under my charms (mostly because I don't HAVE any!). She will be awesome....

The hard part is trying to find someone who thinks I am awesome too.....

I won't try and dazzle her with anything. I won't pretend to be what I am not. I won't tell her what she wants to hear. She will see. With her own eyes, judging with her own mind, deciding if I fit her or not.

It's the “or not” part that stinks when I really like her but she doesn't see that in me. What do you do? Sit, depressed and miserable, and wait for it to pass? Been there, bought the shirt. It's miserable to be miserable! Bad choice! I do what most of us do – try again. (and again, and again...)

I don't mind I have been unsuccessful in the search for my special lady. There have been really great women in my life that, for one reason or another, didn't roll into “till death do you part”. I am not jaded, but more careful. I am not angry at women, truly understanding why it's so hard to find the RIGHT one. I am NOT anti-marriage, and will not waver in what I want in someone just because I am alone.

The perception might be that I am too picky, too set in my ways, too much of a serial dater. The one for me will see past that. She will see me for what I am. She will want me as much as I do her.

Or not....

That won't stop me from looking, hoping, dreaming.... and writing.