THE LAST RIDE

The other day was a very sad one, in reflection.  While the weather was beautiful, nothing awful occurred, and no one ruined an otherwise picture-perfect day, a loss occurred that meant an awful lot to me.

It was sad because I think Mom had her last motorcycle ride.

It wasn't the fact that she didn't enjoy it, because she did. Who doesn't like the freedom, and the direct connection to the all all-outdoors when you ride on two wheels? Very few things compare. 

No. It was more basic than that. 

She physically couldn't get on. The only way we could go for a ride was for me to pick her up and put her on the seat. Even while she was on there I didn't feel 100% confident that she wouldn't fall off. It's a terrible feeling. When I lifted her off the seat for the last time, I started thinking this may be it.

Decades before, she was terrified of motorcycles, after we went for a short spin on mine. She never would get on after that. That is, until she forgot she was afraid, and then she thoroughly enjoyed going for a ride. It was one of the biggest surprises of this whole experience. Also one of the best side benefits.

We only have 4,500 miles on the bike, and Mom has been on for just about all of them. I guess I could go myself, but someone would have to watch her and that's not the easiest task to pass onto someone. I'm sure one day soon I'll find a qualified person, but I'll have to pay per hour to have them watch over Mom as I take a break. I can't say I'm looking forward to that, even though a break sounds really good, in theory. 

The steady decline is relentless. Skills and activities that yesterday were normal, can suddenly be absent with no warning. That's the reason why I try to enjoy each day. I know that today is probably the best she will ever be going forward.

I'm just not ready to let go of the Mom I always knew, even though she left years ago...