MY FRIENDSHIP WITH FAT

Yes, I know it is a strange title. Who would make blubber a POSITIVE???? 

Not me. 

But it must NOT be an enemy, because I have had plenty around me for a long time. There were times I didn't, the latest being around 2001. I was working out and enjoying it. Then I just..... didn't. All the way to 280 pounds. Holy cow...  

The key to my controlling my weight has always been my attitude. I have a way of not caring, that is awful. It HAS it's merits, as not caring about things you can't control is a good thing. But.... Not caring about what you eat, the amount of exercise you get, or what you look like, can all be very, very bad. 

You would think an unmarried guy would WANT to look his best for the potential ladies that might come along. No one seems to like the fat guy as much.

Yeah, I didn't care about THAT either. But I did and failed to admit it to myself. Yup. I am just as messed up as anyone. I just talk about it more.

I justified not caring by saying, "if someone is that superficial and won't talk to me because I carry an extra couple (dozen) pounds, then I prolly won't want THEM."

yeah... that's crap. 

So why the change lately? 

Well.... you know, when a significant life-event takes place, you examine yourself and re-evaluate things. I did and decided enough was enough. I'm tired of feeling not my best. I am tired of tired feet. I am tired of clothes that look like a small circus tent. I'm tired of causing some of my own loneliness.

Which makes no sense right? To be OK with ALL that stupidity, I must really need to see the neurologist and explain why I torpedo myself so often. 

It all goes back to not caring. It ISN'T a chemical imbalance. Tried that, no effect. It isn't psychological inadequacies, as I tried THAT. I think I just have a life that allows me to do whatever I want and sometimes I don't want the good stuff. I call THAT coo coo.  

No longer. 

Mom's situation has given me something I would have to beg for in the past - time. Why am I NOT taking advantage of it? I could be walking more. I could be working with free weights. I have them. No excuses. I could be watching what I eat. I could be CARING. If not for me, then why not prepare for my girl of tomorrow? 

The time is now. 

So here I am, a week into this new adjustment. It has been easy to focus on the reason why. It isn't difficult to limit my portions or skip them. It has been a pleasure to take Mom along on a walkabout. So far so good. 

Wish me luck in the journey to a new me.