YOU'RE BROKE UP... NOW WHAT?

I'm in my car, Ubering, waiting for the next ride request, putting down all these different ideas, wondering if there is a rule about the number of comma's in one sentence, also wondering how all these lines are all going to come together, but knowing they will. Hopefully in a GOOD way!

Why can't it be that easy with people?

Okay.... you've just broken up or just realized that you will never get together with a person you liked.... Now what???

I have some random thoughts....

Of course you hurt.

You maybe even don't know why it didn't work.

You may still care for that person or possibly hate them more then brussel sprouts. [Ok. I KNOW not everyone hates them like I do, but you get the idea...right?]

How do you go on and how long should you feel pain before you're ready to take that leap again? If I tell you, will you listen?

I didn't think so.

It's different with everyone because every situation is not the same.

Sometimes the cause of the breakup or the disconnect is US. Sometimes it's the other person. Sometimes it is global warming. Whatever the reason, once you've given a hundred percent to making it work, there's nothing more you can do. You hoped to win a future of bliss, but didn't.... THIS TIME.

The GOOD side is, you will be more aware and smarter in your choices next time. Your vision will NOT be clouded by the fog we call sadness or loneliness.

I'm not saying you will feel happy and bubbly the day after. I'm sure you won't. I sure don't a week later. Yes, not surprisingly, I'm writing about something that I'm currently going through.

Some might wonder why I bother. Sometimes I wonder why. Let's just say, that there has been enough feedback to know that the words here occasionally help someone I will never meet through a tough time. It's a feeling that drives most writers and I am no different.

I guess more than anything, I hope the reader knows that their bluesiness won't last long, if they not allow it to.

I want people who are experiencing similar situations to know that they're not the only ones suffering and that there is a path to happiness again.

If you remember back when you met that magical person, it changed your perspective, on not only the whole day, but possibly on your whole life. That's just how quickly it can change from bad to good as well. Believe it.

As for me, I used to feel pretty good about knowing another person's character and emotions after some interaction. Until recently. Like many of you, I now don't have complete confidence in feeling good about someone, because I may be wrong. or is it just being human?? Hmmmmmmm.....

I thought about this and wondered...how do you get the trust back in yourself? If you have been more right than wrong in the past, then trust in the percentages. If you haven't, its time to learn from former mistakes or disappointments and be a better, more aware person going forward. If you KEEP making wrong choices for yourself, then congratulations, you are getting exactly what you want. It isn't ALWAYS the other person's fault....

People have been stumbling through relationships since there been people. And I'm guessing since there's been more than two people, there's been relationship issues. Somehow in the last few thousand years, it works out for most, despite what you're thinking now. "Happily ever after" is still out there, closer than you may think.

If you're anything like I am, (and if you ARE, I am SOOOOOOO sorry!) you're wondering if you will ever feel as strongly, as deeply, and as thoroughly as you did before.

For most of us, it's not the first time we failed at relationships. It's never any fun going through it, but if you look back and see how you got your happiness back, that's a start. Time itself helps, but why be miserable for longer than you need be? Your newfound knowledge will bring along a BETTER mate, give THEM a BETTER mate, a BETTER human being, and a BETTER future, if you believe in it.

I wonder why we forget that our happiness is determined by that person looking back at us in the mirror and not anyone else? If you are gloomy before going into a relationship, I fear that the time will be short, because most partners can't fix a broken you.

If you dwell on misery, misery will be your constant companion. It won't go away until it's disinvited.

If you are like me, and try to think logically, you will be completely frustrated trying to make sense of relationships. They just don't.

If you are like me, and you love completely, then you must grieve completely as well. The worst thing to do is to go and find a replacement right away, because your standards have changed and probably not for the better. Instead of being MORE picky, you allow for more nonsense. That usually doesn't end well for you.

Unfortunately for some, they never really get over it, and that's tragic. Life is so much darker, less meaningful,  and less hopeful when you have unresolved issues with a person that doesn't care about you. And yes, they do NOT care.

This world has many, many, many, people that are looking for someone special. You may have walked right past a few of them today. When you are ready to take that chance again, you have to open up your eyes wide and see everything, not just a pretty face or a nice smile, but everything that person is about and brings to the table. You deserve to get what you give. THAT should be the minimum expectation.

It's too bad we all just can't go on the Maury Povich Show with a perspective new partner, and ask questions.... plus get that lie detector test! Haha

What do you do when you have many questions and they never get answered? I tried to put value on the questions that I have, but in reality, they really aren't worth anything. The decision is the decision and no explanation really should be needed. If you can't accept someone that actually wants you, then you are not a couple. If you desire someone that doesn't want you, you are not a couple. If two people care deeply for each other and are together, there's your couple.

The Trap I have fallen into more than once has been to imagine the possibilities and to fall in love with that image. Reality may not even be close, but the picture in my mind, of a life together with someone special, can make you blind to what's right in front of you.

Luckily with age comes wisdom!

I can look back on a long history of frustrations, breakups, and never get with's, and see just how time has affected their importance. Back when I was really young and really, really stupid as - opposed to me being just really stupid now - I had more than a few occasions to fall into deep depressions, and when I look back it really was nothing to get upset about. The issues that caused my downward spiral of emotions is long forgotten. Only the pain is seared into my brain. That is HARDLY worth the months of torment.

If we've been living in Stupidville and the other person has been telling us but we weren't listening, there is nothing to do except move on with questions unanswered or you could figure them out as you look back.Eventually most people realize the cause and effect from their past. It may be embarrassing, but if you learned and improved through it, it WAS worth it. Perspective changes and clarity is more easily seen when time has passed.

It would be easy to get unapproachable during this time, but I think that would be a mistake.

It would be easy to stay angry at this time, but the anger should only be with yourself. That emotion can be a good teaching tool so that it will enable your eyes to stay open in a situation where in the past all you would see is Stars. Get angry and get learning!

Is it okay to still believe in the storybook Romance? In spite of my recent challenges, I have to say that, if I can't live the Fairytale, then I will live another story that won't shred my joy. Life will be as good as I can imagine it to be....and more.

Because you never know what's around the corner....

If you want to use fate to explain away things that don't work or things that do, that's fine, for you. I like to think I have more control and Free Will than that, so once I get thrown out of the party, I must find another party to go to, eventually.

The difference is, my vision is even more sharpened than before. No guarantees I'll be able to see clearly, but I got a better shot at it now.

I don't want to be afraid of getting hurt because that will limit the amount of pure joy I allow in my life.

It's worth the risk.