Is THAT Why I'm Still Single? ....continued

In my previous post, I started to examine why I am almost 54 and still single. I will continue it here. Will I come up with any answers to help in the future? 

Let's see...

So....I was in Philly and dating was MUCH easier than back home. Logically, there are more people so in turn, more opportunities to go out with someone new. It WASN'T that I all of a sudden became irresistible, or better looking, or anything else. It's just a numbers game. 

I met Monica at a work function and was dazzled. She was always smiling, always funny, and always VERY pretty. She was just coming out of a divorce and we were good company for each other for a while. She was a special lady that I SHOULD have made MY special lady, but again, I was too idiotic to recognize the potential in our relationship. Luckily, she made a huge improvement in companionship and has since married and had a very lucky child. Lucky to have both GREAT parents to lean on. 

I met a young lady from the Zoo who had a great job, a great outlook on life, and always kept me on my toes. I wasn't able to keep her interested. 

I met someone who, in retrospect, got in a relationship with me because I fixed her car. Of course, I was oblivious at the time and thought she liked me for me. Oops. 

I was set up by a co-worker with a friend of hers. She was cool and cute but sparks were missing. I couldn't DEFINE the sparks, but I recognized when they weren't there. Or maybe I was just being stupid again. Probably that. 

I did the online thing and got to know a few really nice ladies. Some I have written about already. Some I have very fond memories of to this day. Some I know would have made me happy going forward, but then I met Vanessa. 

Vanessa was the ONE from the moment I met her. No. Before that. It was the moment I SAW her. She was the first post on this site so that tells you something of how she affected me. I only wished it was the same on her end. It may have only been for a short time, but my eyes were now FULLY open to the emotion I was capable of with someone I felt strongly for. 

It took me a few years to fully get over the loss of Vanessa, and now I was even more critical of a new person coming into my life. When I met a Ghanian lady that seemed PERFECT, I quickly saw the fatal flaw and moved on. She reminded me more than once that I messed up, but I don't think I did. Selfishness isn't a trait I find attractive. 

I met people from other African nations as well once I moved to DC. There were folks from all over the world in and around the beltway. I was dating from many sources. My neighbors, online chating, and work-related activities. 

I found reasons to not pursue anything with anyone for a bit. They drank too much. They were unpredictable. They revealed their "craziness" after a time. They were too needy. They were not interesting. Or I wasn't to them. 

Then I met Ciera and wrote about her here. She was special but her religion kept us from continuing. She was truly someone who made my life bright at a time when I thought the darkness would overwhelm. 

I saw a transformation in some ladies I hung out with. The change was sometimes cool and sometimes it was a deal breaker. I kept trying to settle down and be happy, but there was always a reason NOT to. 

I had to move back to PA in 2012 and the dating life reduced to a trickle. The few people I met weren't a fit. Or I didn't fit them. My heart got broken a few times, but once you got through that, it gets easier to recover. 

I'm still recovering. 

I'm also still trying to figure out the "why's" of this topic. 

I am convinced it wasn't all the women's fault. Mostly it was mine. Either my insecurities, or my lack of conviction prevented me from making a good decision about making a very special lady MY lady. 

Do I know better NOW????? 

Will I be UNstupid enough to recognize a great girl when she pops up? 

Am I open to the possibilities of FOREVER with someone I don't know today? 

I would LOVE to say YES to all the above, but as usual, I seem to find new ways to fail. The only thing I can admit to, is that I AM more aware of all of this, and more focused on what is truly important. I hope that is enough. 

If I end up single till my dying day, it won't be for a lack of trying.... or writing about it. I'll still be happy, but not as happy as I would sharing it all with my dream girl. If she stays ONLY in my dreams, at least I will have hope...