CHRISTMAS 2020

Christmas. 

 

As a kid, it's our favorite day of the year. Opening presents, a fabulous meal, and happy family time make this Holiday some of our fondest memories. 

Fast forward to today, and it is quite different. 

it isn't just the situation and Mom's challenges that change the dynamic of the Christmas Season. As a matter of fact, it's a reinforcement of how we plow through this lifestyle. We just find the joy in whatever comes up and are thankful for we have, not despondent over what we have lost. 

Mom can't feed herself any more. That sux, but the quality time of my having to do it has brought it's own rewards. Like her eating better, no more messes, and being able to enjoy my own meal after Mom is done. 

Mom can't control her bathroom habits, which creates a hazmat scenario at times. It also presents a problem when travelling because not every pitstop has a Family Restroom. But it still has some positives. Washing underwear is a distant memory since we use pullups now. The fact I have to help keeps me more informed on just how regular she stays. There have been times when she went more than a week before emptying her bowels. Yeah... proctology isn't my favorite subject, but a necessary specialty that I never thought I would tolerate. 

When Mom has an issue, it's not like she can just tell you, so I must always stay aware of her habits and actions. Recently, she started having issues walking. The Dr couldn't find any broken bones, and didn't diagnose any pulled muscles. Hmmmmm.... So what can I do? Well, we just tried to do our regular routine, just not as much. It has taken a few weeks, but she is back to being mostly independent and mobile, never complaining the entire time. 

Having a conversation with Mom hasn't been possible for some time. She talks in broken Germinglish and gibberish. She doesn't get frustrated with finding words any more, and as long as I act along like I understand, she seems ok. 

Presents as an adult never were such a big deal. They are inconsequential now. There's no understanding of time and spectacle. There's no grasp of celebration or jubilation. The upside is, there's no long-term sadness either. If there are tears, they are gone and forgotten in minutes. Not a bad trade off if you ask me. 

It DOES mean a lot that some of our friends take the time to reach out and wish Mom happy thoughts. I went decades having very few well-wishers in my own life, so this is a nice change. 

This is a time of year when we all should be compassionate and thankful. Add hopeful and positive to that list as well. Even if one is not hugely religious, the overall theme of this time of year is to lift those of us that need a hand up, and treat each other with kindness and respect. Some folks are more successful than others. We ALL can aspire for better, no doubt. 

In our case, I KNOW Mom is doing the best she can. I KNOW she couldn't do any better in an institution than with me. I KNOW she hasn't been happier since she was a little girl. I KNOW she is not the worst-case of memory issues. 

I KNOW I am not the perfect son, but I also know that she has made me a better man, a more patient and less selfish guy. While it is a constant struggle to see the sunshine through the fog of her current situation, I have enough reminders to be thankful and feel lucky that we can maintain our standard of living. 

We don't live large, and we don't do everything we want to do because of our limited budget. That's not sad, it just is. Most folks have to choose between "needs" and "wants". We are no different. It would be cool to NOT have that happen, but it's of little consequence with Mom. She only knows the moment and my desire to make her smile as much as I can. 

The ironic thing is, if I had a Christmas wish, I would no doubt ask for world peace... or eliminate greed and hate.... or allow everyone to have positive self-esteem... but I wouldn't complain if another Econoline would appear under our invisible tree! 

HAPPY HOLIDAYS from both Mom and I!