MOM - 2023

 

I find it difficult at times to write these days. It isn't for lack of topics or desire. My enthusiasm sometimes, gets worn down. I try and stay positive, yet the tired and defeated creeps through the cracks.

One of the subjects I feel is important to keep up to date is Mom. There are some folks we have met in our travels that like to hear about her and what we are up to. Unfortunately, the days of travel and adventure seems to be coming to a close.

Mom has stayed happy and healthy, but her decline is relentless. It gets a bit depressing to think about her losses, so I focus on what is left. This works most times, but there are moments that just overcome the joy and remind me that the long goodbye has an end. I just can't think about that time clearly or positively. 

It would seem strange to some, that after 7 years of caring for Mom, I am OK with another 7, if she is able to stay. All the days are not filled with sunshine, but the worst challenges are still better than not having Mom around at all. 

This year, there has been a few major changes to our routine that smacked me in the face because it represents a significant loss for Mom. Here are a few -

Carrying Mom up the stairs. While she can walk a bit with help, Mom can't go up the stairs these last few weeks. I was hoping it was just a muscle strain or something, but recovery isn't going as well as I'd hoped. Even standing is a struggle on a bad day. Yes, it makes our normal routine a LOT more labor-intensive! I haven't trusted her to walk by herself for almost a year now... and now she isn't able.

Light switch covers. Yes, Mom used to want to play with the lights, so I put covers on to hide them from her. After a bit, she forgot all about them. Now, because of Mom's lack of mobility, the covers came off. While I hope she can walk better in the near future, it may well be a glimpse of what the  future holds. 

Conversations. Yes, they haven't happened in years, but at least I felt like she understood a little of what I was saying. Now? Nope. Not even a little bit. She still makes herself laugh, and sometimes laughs at me if I am being silly, and most importantly, she wakes up most days with a big smile, which speaks volumes to me...

Getting out of bed. Mom hasn't gotten herself out of bed in years. I wasn't sure how I would react or care for Mom if she was that helpless. Well, now I know. On one hand, it's convenient to handle the chore of hygieney things while she is comfortable. On the other, it's sad she is trapped in there until I see her awake on the monitor. 

Routine. It isn't ALL bad news. Although I have NEVER enjoyed a "routine" that becomes dull and boring, Mom seems to respond better to one, so we follow it. She sleeps as much as she wants, eats as much as she wants, and I try and keep her active despite her disabilities.  It's not so bad, really!