ME in '23

As I look back on the posts here, I find a lot of "Mom" and very little on "me". Why is not a hard question to answer. My life is very centered on Mom and her care. It doesn't leave much for me. 

Ironically, even if I was to have all the time in the world right now, I couldn't take full advantage of the opportunity. Arthritis has taken a good hold of me, and has spread, making even a short walk or just an hour or two of garage time seem daunting. Like everyone who has ever been afflicted, we never imagined it would happen to us. 

Staying active clearly only does so much. 

I used to walk for hours, as it was an easy way to control my weight. Now, I have never weighed more and the attitude I have fought my whole life, of not caring that much, has returned. Caring for Mom is harder, but we fight thru and keep laughing. 

The other irony is, I feel I am a MUCH better person, son, and citizen than I ever was. I will admit that happiness is a constant companion now, as with age came wisdom. Yes, my bucket has changed DRAMATICALLY, but I'm sure that is not uncommon.Yes, my hopes and dreams have been altered by this experience. But that doesn't make them bad or unwanted. Just evolved. 

Mom has helped me become less selfish and more understanding. Lynn has helped me be more aware of politics and current events. Sunil has reminded me I'm not getting any younger, and Ivanne has given me much to think about. I'm about to turn "almost 60" and I know exactly where the years went. 

In my teens, I was unhappy with who I was and insecure about what I could do. But I DID get my first motorcycle! 

In my 20's, I got my first Econoline, was still insecure, still trying to find my way, still dreaming of success.

In my 30's, I found my happy place, bought a house, got married (and divorced...ugh), moved to Philly, and finally was a success at work. 

In my 40's, I tried to convert my experience in the insurance industry to something else more fulfilling. I failed. Moved to DC, discovered I like writing, and moved back to PA. 

In my 50's, Mom came to live with me for good, her memory issues have gone from mild to crippling, we added Dester to our family, and met a LOT of Econoline people that are GOOD folks. We drove cross-country and squished our toes in the Pacific Ocean, met Jay Leno, and had my eyes open to the ways of the world.

What will the 60's bring? 

I'm sure I will be surprised at whatever happens. You can plan forever, but when the time comes, it may or may not happen as you thought. I imagined I would be close to retirement, with a pile of money invested to live out my days travelling, Econolining, and in general, living the good life. Guess I will move to plan B...

There is absolutely no regret in taking care of Mom and sacrificing the last 8 years for her. It is a trade I would make EVERY time. Just seeing her awaken with a smile every morning lets me know I am where I need to be. 

I see classmates passing away and it makes me question everything. Thankfully, I am at peace with where I am and happy to have lived the life I did and to have done MUCH more than that insecure teenager could have dreamed. 

Everyone should be so lucky...