THE LONG GOODBYE IS DONE

 

At around 2:30 this morning, Mom passed on. 

Even as I process it now, the words don't seem real. 

I can see her in my mind, happy as she could be, hugging her 4 sisters for the first time in decades. The last gathering was almost 25 years ago.

They were all so full of joy to be together again. 

I know it was selfish to want to keep her with me longer, but I would have signed up for ANOTHER nine and a half years in a heartbeat. 

I've written a bit about our journey through this difficult disease, almost 10 years of learning, adapting, and moving forward. There is much documented on the stages, the setbacks, the challenges, yet the most important thing I tried to focus on was laughing. Mom could do that often, once she forgot the painful memories of the past. 

These past few months have been particularly difficult, as Mom didn't smile as often, or seem to have much recognition of anything familiar. I feared she was slipping away from me even further, sleeping more than 20 hours a day. Eating changed to mostly drinking these last couple of weeks. Even her assisted "walking", where I took most of her weight, and she moved her feet, was done. I knew Mom was going to leave me soon, but I was NOT ready. 

Last Sunday, I got her up as normal, and everything seemed to go as before. She had her "breakfast" of drinks and yogurt and banana, but she had trouble like she never had before. She started to have real struggles of swallowing, so I stopped, hoping she wouldn't have further issues with food going down the wrong pipe. 

Then, she slept.... and slept... and slept. All the while having a change in her breathing. She had been thru this before, but slept it off with no problems after. This was different. 

I took her to the hospital, a week ago tonight, and she just wouldn't wake up. They put some IV fluids in as we waited for the test results, and they came back as pneumonia, so they gave her some medicine that seemed to even out her breathing. Then they asked if I knew this was just the beginning of the end. I had to admit, I did. 

She didn't wake up all week, although her eyes might have been open occasionally. I knew she had been gone for longer, but she went as we all would want to go... deep in sleep.

Mom kept being Mom, even when there seemed to be nothing of her left. She stayed kind, happy, and easy to take care of. I don't know if she ENJOYED being the center of attention in our household, but I sure was happy to see her smile. Nothing has made me more proud to be her son than being able to be there when she needed me most.

Mom has made me a better man than I was before this all started. I've said this before. She got me to think more of someone else before me. After being on my own for almost 40 years, it was easy to do whatever it took to make Mom a happy woman. 

I hope I made her proud....